Those who've hit Rock-Bottom and just can't anymore - This is for You!

[Pamela Vicik-Smith]

Hi Pam ~

Welcome to this forum There is no judgement here, only love and encouragement.

In reading your post, I see there is a long list of challenges you are facing at this time. I am no doctor or healthcare professional, but in my humble opinion I feel most of your concerns stem from depression.

I believe your health issues, financial issues, issues of security, all of it stem from the emotion of not feeling worthy and in turn, depression. I am sure there are those who may disagree with what I am about to suggest, but I feel the first thing you should do is see a doctor about going on anti-depressants. Once you start to feeling somewhat normal emotionally, you will be better equipped to tackle the other points one at a time.

If you have been on anti-depressants and they did not work well for you, try another type. There are hundreds available and not all of them work the same way. Your doctor should be able to help you with this.

I would love to say that PATHS will take care of all your problems, but I don't think that can happen until you get some sort of solid foundation under you.

Remember, that although it may seem like you are the only person in the world going through an experience like this, you are not. Start looking for things in your life to appreciate. You have people who love you and care about you, you have a roof over your head, you have some money - albeit not much. The point is, the more you look for to appreciate, law of attraction will bring more things to you to appreciate. It is law! You must find a way to do this in order for things to change for you.

I hope this helps in some small way. Please keep us informed of how things are working out for you.

[illusions]

Hi Pam

Thank you so much for sharing your story here - You have no idea just how many people it will help!

You've had some great advice and support from Pamela, and I'd like to add to it.

I have to take my son to school now, so not enough time to answer fully until later, but in the meantime, download and read these two little ebooks (they're free):

The Magic Pill

and

The Second Dose


They're only about 8 pages each, but I believe they may be helpful to you.

I'll reply in more detail when I get back home later.

In the meantime, I'm sending you Huge Love and Support and I'm thinking of you until I can get back here to write again.

Love and Light and Hope! xxx

[illusions]

Hi Pam

I hope the ebooks help a bit.

Also, a little synchronicity here....

My sister pointed out, earlier today, some very interesting information she noticed today when she logged on to watch her Paths Theatre....and I think it may well apply to you too. When I read it, I remembered your post, and felt it would be good to mention it to you. Here it is:
_____________________________________________

".... Depending on how you react, this [stress]can produce an internal response that inhibits the growth and productivity of your body, mind and spirit. When you are stressed out, you are putting yourself in protection mode, and protection is the opposite of development.

When you are stressed out, this is also when your sympathetic system is dominant. Among many other things, this causes your body to pump out fight or flight hormones which repress activity in your prefrontal cortex (the center of conscious activity), and oxygenated blood is taken away from your visceral organs and is concentrated in your extremities, thus potentially starving your organs. When your mind and body become pre-occupied with survival like this, the result is not only no room for positive growth, but the appearance of dis-ease becomes very real.

"A sustained protection response inhibits the creation of life-sustaining energy. The longer you stay in protection, the more you compromise your growth. In fact, you can shut down growth processes so completely that it is a truism that you can be 'scared to death'." ~ Bruce Lipton, Biology of Belief

According to estimates by the World Health Organization (WHO) Global Burden of Disease Survey:


Mental disease, including stress-related disorders, will be the second leading cause of disabilities by the year 2020.

Although the term "stress" is used in a wide variety of contexts, it has consistently been demonstrated that individuals with stress and related disorders experience impaired physical and mental functioning, more work days lost, increased impairment at work, and a high use of health care services.

The disability caused by stress is just as great as the disability caused by workplace accidents or other common medical conditions such as hypertension, diabetes, and arthritis.

The American Stress Institute reports that:

* More than 40% of all adults suffer adverse health effects as a result of stress.

* More than 75% of all visits to primary-care physicians are for stress-related complaints or disorders. ( you would think they would be better trained for it!)

* Stress has been linked to all leading causes of death, including heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents and suicides.

* Stress is responsible for more than half of all workdays lost annually.

* Approximately 80% of the health-related problems in technologically-advanced countries are stress related.


If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. ~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus "
__________________________________________________ ____________

I do hope you get to go to the ME Seminar (I'd lOve to go to one of those too, and can't wait 'till they come to the UK! ) but it's important to TRUST Yourself! I know this will probably sound as ridiculous to you now as it would have to me when I was going through this, but I'm hoping that The Magic Pill ebooks will help it make more sense. Trust Yourself to guide you to the best route for you, and allow it.

I've found that when we reeeeeeally want something, and we don't get it, whether we get something better or not can often depend on our reaction at that point. Of course, it's natural to be dissapointed, but practise the phrases in The Magic Pill.

Right now, I'd say give yourself at least TWO WEEKS BREAK. Spend every day, if you can, doing only what feels good. Don't think about what will happen after two weeks; for the moment, just spend your time being and relaxing.

Decide that you deserve a break. Having read the information above on Stress - I'm CERTAIN that if you can take at least Two Weeks (as long as you can really, but at least two weeks), and treat it as recovery time, and if you can do the following, I have a very very strong feeling that you will experience very impressive results....

* Remember that what you "do" physically is not what creates and manifests, remember it is only how you vibrate that does that. Physical action is only to make it make sense to the conscious mind - because that's the "reality" we're experiencing at the moment.

* Spend as much of your time as you can: resting; watching comedy on T.V. / at the movies/ online; doing whatever kind of exercise you find fun and enjoy (could even be something you've never done before); SLEEP as much as possible!!! As someone who's had Fibromyalgia I know that one of the MAIN problems with it is that you don't get enough sleep. Sleep all day sometimes if you feel like it.

* Decide that you're taking two weeks off completely to recover, and then after those two weeks, you'll do what you feel inspired to do regarding work etc. And if you can do this, you won't have to look far!! If you're able to take this time off (and I mean physically, Emotionally AND Mentally take the time off), the opportunities will Find YOU!!

* Write if you like - write letters to people that you may never send. If you feel there is unfinished business emotionally, write a helluva letter to that person - say EVERYTHING you have inside you - swear (cuss), insult, really let rip. Get yourself a nice cup/mug/glass of something you like, and sit down when you'll be undisturbed and just start writing or typing. It will begin to flow. This is one of the most Effective ways of releasing stress that is being held in the body! Once you've finished the letter, read it. Then delete it (if it's on your computer) or tear it up/ burn it ceremoniously if it's hand-written.

* Write a list of all the people who make you feel good. They can be people you know, or people you don't know. They can be actors or singers, they can be icons or friends, they can be neighbours or family members. And then decide to expose yourself to at least three of those people each day - whether it's in person, online, by telephone, through watching one of their movies or an interview, reading an interview online, listening to their music, or just thinking about them.

* SLEEP as much as you can!!

* Increase the amount of water you drink each day.

* SLEEP as much as you can.

I hope this helps. Keep posting here. I'll post more as I think of it as well.

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[prose10]

Hi Pamela, Thanks for the love and encouragement.

My main problem with depression stems from low self-esteem. I had an unhappy childhood, lived with physical and emotional abuse, and was raised in a very restrictive religion (JW) where I wasn't allowed to associate with anyone who was not of that religion... and our family was the only one in our town until I was 20! When I was very little, I had imaginary friends, but as I got older people made fun of me and said I was crazy for talking to myself, so I stopped. I was VERY lonely and very isolated. I never rebelled like most teens do. I tried to be a good girl. I obeyed my parents rules as best I could. I preached on weekends, even though I hated it and thought it was rude to bother people on Saturday morning when you hadn't been invited. I was told I had a bad attitude and I was selfish and un-spiritual. I felt guilty and unworthy.

I suffered from depression all of my life, until I met the man who became my husband. I was a single mother with a 6 yo son. (My son was conceived in date rape. My church shunned me for a year, and told me it was my fault because I dated a man who was not in "The Truth" and I should have known better. I believed my religion was the truth, so I stayed it in, but I changed congregations because I felt judged for having a child out of wedlock.) I was living on disability and public assistance and I had very low self-esteem and self-worth. I was so depressed, I had checked myself into the hospital. I was fresh out of my 3rd stay at the hospital, full of anti-depressants and ECT (shock treatments) still feeling pretty low, but accepting that I would probably be depressed for the rest of my life, because that is what I deserved for being a sinner.

I moved to a new congregation, which is where I met Paul. He asked me out and we hit it off right away. He was different from anyone I had ever met. I told him of my depression, and he said it was just the people I was associating with and listening to were filling my head with negativity. He suggested I stay away from negative people, especially my mother, because she was the most negative, verbally abusive person he had ever met! He encouraged me to have an opinion and to express it, even if others disagreed. He told me to buy only what I like and do only things I enjoy... Say no if I don't want to something... Always put myself first. No one had ever told me anything like this before and it was the opposite of everything I was taught. It was hard at first, but as I started saying no to people, I felt less fear, less depression, and the world started to look like a place I'd like to live.

We got married 4 months later and and slowly Paul got me away from my mother. Boy was he right about her! 2 years later we both left the religion and disassociated ourselves. (My parents do not speak to me and in their opinion I am spiritually dead.) I started exploring New Age and New Thought. I was mostly happy for the next 8 years. I had some situational depression, but Paul was always quick with a solution. He said the most important thing in life was to be happy, no matter what. Wise man.

The only thing I could not conquer was money problems. We had money problems the last 2 years of our marriage. He was a truck driver and I didn't work. My disability check covered the rent, but Paul wanted to be rich and it just wasn't happening. He wanted me to put my son in boarding school and come live with him on the truck. No way! I had a voice and I used it. 6 months later he left us. The depression and anxiety returned. How was I going to support myself and my son? My rent was covered, but that was it. You can't do whatever you want without a source of income. I prayed for a miracle.

My friend Tony offered to help financially. He was retired, "comfortable" financially, and he was like my uncle. He offered to buy me a small house for me and my 16 yo son to live in. My son said he had ulterior motives, but he was in a relationship, and I just didn't see it. Six months later he broke up with his girlfriend and we started dating. That Christmas Tony asked me to marry him. I just didn't feel comfortable marrying him... although he gave me everything I wanted materially, he was the opposite of Paul in attitude. He wanted me to lie to his family, he is an atheist and thinks my woo-woo stuff is a bunch of cr@p, and he LOVES all things negative... especially the news!

By the time I realized I should leave him, 2 years had gone by and it was too late. Once we moved in together I found out he has a drinking problem and can be quite mean when drunk. We had sold both of our houses and he was building me my dream house. My gut told me to leave, but I felt trapped. I tried tomake it work. I tried to get him into counseling. I tried to get him to go to AA. He told me I was the problem. He was happy, why couldn't I be happy too. Maybe I should start drinking.

Oh boy, I'm living in a beautiful house in a new county where I know no one and I feel trapped. I can't tell the neighbors how unhappy I am, they all think we are the perfect couple. The house is beautiful, but it feels like a prison. My son was deployed to Iraq 3 weeks after we moved in, and the next 3 years were hell. My closest friends moved out of state. I wanted to leave him, but I felt trapped and I had no one to talk to. I could not support myself financially, my health had taken a turn for the worse. I was in constant pain, I could not sleep, I could not eat... I was nauseas daily for 3 years (just recently improved), and couldn't eat anything all day... only at night... I lost 45 pounds, I could only walk a short distance and had to use a wheelchair for distance because my legs would go numb and I would collapse. I asked Tony to put me in a little apartment, but he refused. He was angry that I wasn't happy after he had given me everything I asked for. Well, he gave me the material things I asked for, but emotionally and spiritually, I felt beaten.

The breaking point came when my 19 yo niece was visiting and caught him taking pictures of her in the shower. I freaked. Up until that day, I had never hit anyone in my life. Needless to say, I hit like a girl, and my wrists got quite bruised and he wasn't injured. We broke up that night. I threw him out of the house and changed the locks. A few days later, we talked. The house is in his name only and since we never married he said I wasn't entitled to anything. He agreed to let me stay at the house through the holidays and he would move back in January, and I would have to find a new place to live. To top it all off, my son was to be deployed to Iraq for a second tour. I was at the lowest I had ever been in my life and I truly wanted to die.

A week later, I got an email suggesting an uplifting, inexpensive gift... The Secret DVD. I watched it online and at the opening credits, I started to cry. I had goosebumps all over my body, and I knew God had sent this to me. I ordered the DVD and started a gratitude journal. I specifically wanted to change my relationship with Tony, so I wrote Tony is generous with me and supportive. I focused on all of the good times and wrote about them. Within 2 weeks, Tony agreed he should give me something, and he gave me a cash settlement. I asked for a specific amount and Tony gave it to me. Wow! This stuff works!

Unfortunately I didn't know how to handle money and I had no confidence in myself. I was still reeling from the break-up and my family's reaction to it, and worrying about my son. I am happy to say my son did not have to serve a second tour in Iraq and he was discharged soon after.

The point is, I did try anti-depressants again. They are not the answer for me. I need to find myself again. I need find and associate with like-minded people. I know I've got negative sub-conscious stuff that needs to change.

I know that I was meant to find PATHS so I can change the unconscious programing. I found PATHS through a google search for Matrix Energetics. I found Matrix Energetics while searching for an EFT practitioner. I got all of Gary's CDs and watched them and did EFT on myself, but often felt much worse. I gave up on doing EFT alone, though I'd wouldn't mind trying it with a practitioner. As far as M.E. is concerned, Loved the book and I've had some success 2-pointing inanimate objects, but not so much on myself. Physician, heal thyself? Wherever 2 or more are gathered in his name? That's why I want to go to the M.E. Seminar. There's power in numbers. I've let go of attending this weekend. If it is meant to be, it will happen and the right circumstances will occur.

Thank you again for welcoming me into the community. And thank you for letting me share my story. I hope it will help others.

Love and Light,

Pam

[prose10]

Hi illusions!

When I logged on this afternoon, I found a link to your site and requested your 2 ebooks. Then I checked this thread to see if anyone had posted and I found your posts with links to the 2 ebooks! I guess my synchronicity module is kicking in. lol Thank you so much! I haven't read them yet, as I wanted thank you first for your wonderful post. I'm going to print it out.

I will follow your advice, read the ebooks, rest, sleep, sleep some more, watch funny movies, and go ballroom dancing! I will take as much time off as I can... I just started training for a part-time job. Funny, but they only scheduled me for 8 hours this week. I was discouraged at first, but now I am happy!

I've decided to sign up as an affiliate today. I woke up and something told me to do it, so I am trusting myself.

Well, I'm off to read your ebooks now. Thank you again for the links!

Love and Light,

Pam

[Pamela Vicik-Smith]

Hi Pam ~

I read your story. Believe it or not, the first half sounds very much like mine. I was also raised a strict JW in a very rural area in Va. where the only other JW's were my cousins. I was beaten regularly throughout my childhood because I was not "obedient to The Truth" - haha!! I asked to be disfellowshipped soon after turning 20 and my family disowned me as well.

For the next ten years I experienced extreme hatred for my mother, family, and other JWs. However, I learned that the hatred was only hurting me. I eventually learned to forgive them and have not looked back since.

The point is, I know you have been telling this story for many years. You were wronged, there is no denying that. However, in order for you to grow, heal, and move on with your life in a positive manner, you have to stop telling the story and reliving it. Until you stop telling the story and replaying it in your mind, you will never be able to forgive and move on. Your past is a huge albatross around your neck. And I know this may sound harsh, but you are choosing to keep the past as a present part of you when you keep it alive in your memory.

It is not an easy task to forgive and forget...I know. But you have to find a way to at least not keep thinking about it. Try to replace some of the negative memories with positive ones. And if you don't have any positive memories, make them up.

There are several PATHS modules that may help you to feel better, but you have to attempt some of the foundation work yourself. Releasing old thoughts and habits of thinking is a daunting task, but the end results are so worth it.

I hope this helps.

Odille (Illusions) always has excellent advice and I would pay close attention to what she has to offer.

Good luck

[prose10]

Hi Pamela,

Wow! What are the chances that two women named Pamela were raised JWs, left as adults (I was 39), and ended up here at PATHS?

The PATHS modules I am using are: Break Through to Enlightenment, Increased Synchronicity, Successful Living Phase 2, Ho’oponopono Healing, and Project1World Team. It's been less than 3 weeks, but I can see some results already. The synchronicities the past couple of days have been amazing.

Wow! I can't believe you mentioned making up positive memories! I just started doing that last night!!! I was writing in my Gratitude Journal, and I suddenly had an idea to create a What if...? Journal. (I am a big fan of journaling, and I've got about 7 or 8 "subject" journals) I got a pad of paper and started writing: What if I had a magic book and everything I wrote happened? What if I could write a new story about my childhood? What if I had loving, affectionate parents? What if each of them told me they loved me every morning, and every night when they tucked me into bed? What if my parents told me "God loves you Pammy, and so do I" every day? What if my Mom was always on my side? What would that feel like?... I meditated on each statement and visualized and got into the feelings. I wrote 3 pages!

Maybe you wrote this to me and I sent it to myself last night...? Another synchronicity.

Thank you for responding and for all of your suggestions. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I am dwelling on my childhood, my parents or the JWs. Other than at Christmas time, I rarely ever think about them. I have been doing forgiveness work for the past 2 years and I've got a Childhood/JW Journal to vent in when I need to. I don't usually share my personal history, and I try not to write (or say) anything negative; but when I read this thread, I identified with feeling like I'd hit Rock-Bottom, and it felt safe to share my feelings and experiences.

I am so happy and grateful for the love and caring that I have experienced in the past 24 hours or so on this forum.

The reason I shared my history was to illustrate that it wasn't a chemical imbalance that needed medication, but circumstances that caused low self-esteem. When those circumstances changed and I learned to value myself, my depression lifted. It's the same now. I allowed myself to create the circumstances for low self-esteem. As soon as I start valuing myself again, my depression will disappear. That, and I started my cycle today, so I'm not feeling Rock-Bottom anymore. lol

The conscious stuff, I've pretty much got a handle on... It's the UN-conscious thoughts and past-life issues that I need help with... I've been unable to find anything to break through my sub-conscious programing thus far. That's why I said PATHS and M.E. are my last hope.

I chose Ho'oponopono to activate the sub-conscious forgiveness/healing process, and Break Through to Enlightenment to release negative thought patterns and increase my confidence and understanding of my Self.

Now if I can just get to the M.E, Seminar and learn Time Travel and Alternate Universes...

Anyway, I'm so happy to know a former JW! Lots of love to you Pammie! I am looking forward to getting to know you.

Love and Light,

Pam

[Pamela Vicik-Smith]

Wow, Pam! You are sounding better already


The Synchronicity module is one of my all-time favorites. It is so much fun to watch how things line up unexpectedly

And I know of at least one other former JW on this forum. Considering there are not that many of them around, it is funny that there are a few here.

[Pamela]

Sending Love...

Dear, Sweet Pam,

I have been quite unactive on this forum for a few months now as I have been working out a gazillion things in my own crazy life, but I have been reading posts whenever I can find the time and when I read this thread, I couldn't stop myself from coming out of the woodwork to let you know that I am sending you much Love and Light.

Odille and Pammie are giving you fabulous advice (you GO, Girls! ) and it is wonderful that you have found this forum which is filled with the most loving people who will welcome you and support you while you work through this disconcerting time which is really an illusion. I don't know if you have read the Conversations With God books, but the author, Neale Donald Walsh, does a beautiful job of explaining how to use the illusions of need, failure, disunity, insufficiency etc. to our advantage. I highly recommend all of his writings to help you consistantly remember not only your Divinity, but how Loved you are.

While it may not seem so, you have been sent nothing but angels throughout your entire life. And you, as the creater of your "reality", have called every person, place and event of your life TO you in order to create perfect opportunities to know yourself in a particular way. It is important to look at what may seem to be negative situations and people as gifts and to Bless them. These situations and people are your teachers. Never forget that each moment is another opportunity to Re-create yourself anew and it seems from your last post that you are doing just that!!!

I am so glad to hear that you have your PATHS theatre as the modules are profoundly powerful and will help in many ways. And NOW you have the support from the Lovies of this forum who will jump right in to help whenever you desire! What a Blessing!!!

Okay...enough for now from me... But things are starting to calm down in my neck of the woods, so I'll be back soon... Keep posting and know we are all thrilled that you have joined us!

With Much Love and Gratitude,

Pamela (Yeah...another one...)

[illusions]

Hello Pamelas A thread of Pamelas and me - but of course, I'm just an illusion, so it's just Pamelas here

Pam, thank you SO much for sharing your story in detail - I can't tell you how Valuable it is!! I understand what Pamela said about not dwelling on things by retelling and reliving the story, and generally as we know of course, that is the aim (and as you said, you don't dwell on it and it's not a conscious thing), but it is important in these forums to give the background on your story so far so that we can understand better and help better. So the more detail, the better help we can give. Giving information on your story so far is very different to complaining about it

Not only that, but it helps so many people who may never post, but who will read this and perhaps identify with it. And in identifying with it, they'll receive encouragement and support from the advice and support given to you

Of course, you're Spot-on on the Self Esteem root!! Is there a reason you haven't chosen the Self Esteem Module? I reccomend it as a basic for everyone since I believe that self esteem is at the root of EVERYTHING. My family and I have all had really impressive results from that module.

Of course, The Magic Pill ebooks are specifically for regaining your Self Esteem (I say regaining because it is something we are born with and something that should come naturally to us, but it is conditioned out of us).

It's interesting hearing about your background of JW because, although I don't know much about the JW religion, I had been thinking about how we're raised as humans - just how much of our lives is designed SEPECIFICALLY to Lower self esteem!!!

Apart from parental and educational systems and methods, and the way society works generally, most religions and spiritual beliefs that I know of seem to be designed to pull down that self esteem. In most religions that I'm aware of, we're taught that we are "unworthy" - even just being told there is someone bigger and more powerful than you that you should "serve" is designed to pull down the self esteem and keep it there.

Pam you are a Shiny Inspiration to us all, and I can't wait to hear more from you!!!

Keep us updated! I'm SO glad you're going to take a break and do some fun and loving stuff for yourself. (ballroom dancing! - Nice one!!! ) And I know that you'll experience Magic in the combination of all of that plus Paths!!

The "what if" journal's a Fabulous idea!!! Thanks for sharing it!!

Pam, you are a Gift to this forum and to me - I'm honoured to be permitted into your story, and we're all here for you.

Love and Light and Fabulousness xxx

[Avatarza]

one more thing, along with echoing what others have said....

Some free tools/techniques from

Alchemical Mage

Look to the far right under "Resources".

I recommend the vow break stuff and the triple or quadruple grid.

and

Earth Mission

There are some good articles and info....

Hope you make it to Matrix,

Love,

Isara

[Pamela Vicik-Smith]

[quote=illusions;18847] I had been thinking about how we're raised as humans - just how much of our lives is designed SEPECIFICALLY to Lower self esteem!!!

Apart from parental and educational systems and methods, and the way society works generally, most religions and spiritual beliefs that I know of seem to be designed to pull down that self esteem. In most religions that I'm aware of, we're taught that we are "unworthy" - even just being told there is someone bigger and more powerful than you that you should "serve" is designed to pull down the self esteem and keep it there.

Now, this is "The Truth" - haha!

[prose10]

Wow! What a ride!

The past 48 hours have been nothing short of incredible!
Let me apologize in advance for the loooooong post.

I asked Grace to do some corrections for me, and within 24 hours I felt a subtle shift. The next day, the floodgates broke open!

I talked with the woman who introduced me to PATHS (Pegi doesn't post here) and Matrix Energetics the day after I posted here. She told me that when we had our M.E. session there was something she didn't tell me. She said I had someone else's energy attached to me, and that was why I was having such a hard time and nothing was working for me. This energy was blocking me. She told me I needed to talk to it... tell it I don't want it here and charge it rent. Charge it rent? Sure, she said, it's lazy... tell it to get a job and pay you rent... after all, it is blocking you from manifesting what you want! Well, I got MAD! Now I haven't really gotten mad in a long time. Oh did we have a talk! I'm so glad no one culd hear me, because I was talking out LOUD to this energy, and I really vented. It told it it had no right to block me from my good and it owed me $10,000 per month in rent. Since it is May 1st, your rent is due today. PLUS you owe me back rent of $150,000 for the past 15 months. Consider this your 3 day notice! You have 3 days to come up with this month's rent or you will be forcibly removed.

I ranted and raved at it, feeling my feelings and expressing them with feeling! Then I decided, I don't want the money... I want it GONE NOW! TODAY! Once it is gone, I can manifest my own money, thank you very much. I spent most of the day ranting at it and telling it it had some nerve attaching itself to me... you lazy sob. If I've got to get a job, so do you! I had a LARGE chunk of money, and I had been berating myself for not handling it well, and all along I had this thing sucking the energy out of me and blocking me from generating income... GRRRRRRRRRRRR. I don't know if it is an entity, or just energy, but I told it to go to the light, it is safe there. But whether you go to the light or not, you've got to go. Either pay me and go, or just go. I thought about doing Ho'oponopono on it, but decided to wait and ask Grace or Moira about what to do about it. I spent the rest of the day reading CEM posts and resting, taking good care of me.

Yesterday I woke up feeling peaceful. That was a first! It was a busy day, and I felt confident that everything that happened was what was meant to be. I noticed so many synchronicities, it was funny! Everything that I thought could be "bad" I just accepted, and it turned out to be the perfect thing for me at the moment. Even traffic! The people I talked to, the connections I made... it all fit together perfectly. I let the day unfold and did what I felt like doing in the moment.

My hairdresser suggested I talk to a clairvoyant about this energy, and she gave me a card of someone she trusted. I had wanted to get a reading from Moira, and ask her if she had ever dealt with this kind of situation before, but I was a little concerned about the money. I decided to check this person out. Her office/store was only a few blocks away, and Amanda said she was awesome. As I was driving over I kept thinking about Moira, but I wasn't trusting my instincts. I decided to see what this psychic had to say. When I arrived there was a sign on the door: CLOSED on Friday, May 2nd. Will open again Saturday, May 3rd 10 am. How's that for an answer?

Let me give a HUGE THANK YOU to Moira right here and now! I never contacted her, but read on...

When I got home, I logged on to the Psychic Readings thread and read it. Then I clicked onto Moira's site and checked out her articles and her library. One of the ebooks I downloaded is Joe Vitale's Energy Manual. I skimmed through the part about muscle testing another person. I thought, this isn't what I'm looking for... I already know all of this... but I kept reading. On page 19 was a section on checking for Split and Multiple personalities. The word SPLIT just about jumped out of the page! I muscle tested, and sure enough, I had a split! (No multiples) I was blown away. I read the cause (childhood abuse/trauma) and the did the exercises, and cleared the split. I immediately felt different, lighter, and a little bit dizzy. It was 2 am and I thought about going to bed, but I decided to read just a little bit more.

The next section was Checking for Attached Beings. OH MY GOD! This was the solution to my issue! And it was FREE on Moira's site! So from 2:00 - 3:30 am, I released the attached beings and removed all cords and implants! ALL CLEARED! I had to go to bed, but the next section is: Making Peace with Middle Self and Program Manager. Making friends with your Ego and File Manager. Reclaiming Your Personal Power. I'll be doing that tonight!

I recommend this ebook to everyone who feels like they have hit Rock Bottom, and to everyone who has experienced childhood trauma/abuse. Entities like to attach to children and removing them is easy and painless.

Pamela V-S, you suggested I find a way to release the past. Your lips to God's ear. Thank you! You are already a blessing in my life.

Pamela, thank you for such a warm welcome and sending me love and light! I read the first 2 Conversations books when they first came out, which was quite a while ago. I never really thought about angels being around me or with me. That is a new concept for me.

Do you know that I have only know 1 other person named Pamela in my whole life? I've met 1 other person in the checkout stand with our name, but for there to be 3 Pamela's here... incredible!

illusions, I read both of your e-books, and they are fantastic. You are so right about Self-Esteem being the root of all evil. I've been practicing noticing how much I love myself for the past 48 hours, and it has really helped a lot!

Moira, THANK YOU for posting a downloadable library on your website! You may never know how many people you have helped. You are a blessing to this community. I will post a shorter version on your thread.

I am so happy and grateful to EVERYONE here. I have had such an outpouring of love and support, even help from people I haven't met yet! What an incredible community! I love you all!

Well, I'm off to ballroom dancing again!

Love, Light, and Gratitude,

Pam

[prose10]

Oops!

Avatarza, I didn't have a chance to check out those links, but I promise I will. Thank you for your love and support!

What a Magical place this is!

Love, Light, and Gratitude,

Pam

[elias]

Improvement comes in flashes!

Thanks for your story ...
As I read your story I felt what may be up with all of this. Improvement normally does not come in a linear manner, it comes SUDDENLY. You work on your mood and feeling good, as as long as you keep yourself in a good feeling place (Allowing) then suddenly something wonderful manifests, but what happens is that doubt comes along and old habits of thought suddenly push that manifestation away, your 100$ to play online in casino is one such example I suppose, You kept your self in good feeling place and something manifested but I suppose that when the evidence of manifestation appeared you simply unconsciously pushed it away although you didn't really want to do that, but your old habits returned again, to resist a change. Or maybe you felt that you don't deserve it or that sort of feeling.

These observations have come to me by seeing how allowing makes one's vision improve. Vision Improvement is a good testing tool for law of attraction. Vision normally gets improved in flashes and rarely improves linearly, when you suddenly get a flash of clear vision doubt and worry comes along and makes your flash go away. To make things remain as they are one must remember "the better I feel the better it gets and the better it gets the better I feel" and there is no end to it. One must constantly think of feeling a little better although I think oscillations are natural at first but eventually the oscillations decrease in amplitude and the improvement starts going up exponentially! It is so much like escaping from the gravity of the earth! As you go far enough from the earth it gets easier and easier to fly away until you reach a complete state of ALLOWING as Abraham speaks of that manifesting everything becomes extremely easy and straight forward. The first steps are always the hardest ones.

Anyway only some observations of mine!

Elias