Love-Is it really that important?

[Kevin]

A personal situation that I am involved with has reminded me how Love is the answer to every question of consequence.

There is no logic that can comfort like Love can.

There are no words that can heal like Love can.

There is nothing that can melt fear like Love can.

There is nothing that can feed the body, soul & spirit like Love can.

Love is the answer to every basic human need.

Love Yourself, Love your Neighbor, Love your God.

[Sunshine]

Hi Kevin

I completely agree with you Just a little question though! Something that's coming up for me at the moment . It's one thing to send love to someone or something you FEEL love for or even don't have any attachment to but how do you love someone or something who is driving you CRAZY! Or someone or something you DON'T love. To give you one example, my neighbours are driving me crazy. I can hear EVERYTHING from their house. I hear if they sneeze! They've been away for a while which has been pure bliss. Yesterday was like it's always been. Banging and noise so I'm in a state of constant alert. Just as I settle and relax - bang! off we go again. My life revolves round theirs. I'm woken at 6.30am by them and can't go to sleep until they do. Even with music turned up it doesn't drown them out. So I feel irritable and don't get enough sleep. So to my question (at last!) As I lay in bed last night unable to sleep with their outside light shining in and sounds of banging I thought I need to send love to this situation! But when I tried to open my heart I just felt angry and like I wanted to scream and was worried that if I "thought" love, as I definitely didn't FEEL it, that I wouldn't actually be sending love but sending bad vibes. When it's quiet I can send love but it's also tinged with fear. I also tried doing some ho'opnonono on it. But all I was feeling was anger and frustration and resentment. My neighbours are nice people, they're considerate, they're not doing it deliberately. It's just the walls must be sooo thin. I want to feel nice thoughts. But for me, peace and quiet is as essential as love to flourish. And I can think of other situations where you may hate someone, and for valid reasons. So you may WANT to send love and I absolutely agree that it is very powerful and totally essential but how do you do it when you don't FEEL it? This is obviously something I am working on, as these situations are very kindly showing up for me. So would really value any thoughts on this.

[future pather]

Sunshine,

Others may have suggestions for how to deal psychologically but I just wanted to make a quick "plug" (lol) for an inexpensive pair of earplugs.

Once in a while I have needed to use them and have found them totally effective. The kind I used were small foam rubber like things that you have to twist right before inserting so they expand in your ear.

If I have to wake up at a certain time the next morning I can use my cell phone's alarm and put it under my pillow since it vibrates when the alarm goes off. But actually this does not seem necessary for me since usually by morning I wake up and the ear plugs have come out (or maybe I took them out in my sleep).

Just thought they might help you. . . .

XO Jessica

[Sunshine]

Hi Jessica

Just wanted to say thanks for your suggestion. I appreciate it.
I have tried these but unforunately they just don't work for me! And I'd have to wear them all the time! Soundproofing is an option I've looked at but can't afford to do that. My house is up for sale so am praying that will sort itself out soon. But I want to deal with it in the meantime as I don't want to attract the same situation in the next place I go to and it just kind of stuck out at me when Kevin closed his post with "love your neighbour" and I thought - yes, just how do you do that with people and situations that you don't! and thought I'd really like to find out.

And if anyone does add comments on this thread I apologise now if there are any I would respond to and don't but (not trying to take over your thread here Kevin, oops! - just wouldn't want to appear rude!) the sound on my laptop has gone. How weird is that?! So it's got to go and stay in the computer hospital for a bit.

[Kevin]

Hi Kevin

I completely agree with you Just a little question though! Something that's coming up for me at the moment . It's one thing to send love to someone or something you FEEL love for or even don't have any attachment to but how do you love someone or something who is driving you CRAZY! Or someone or something you DON'T love. To give you one example, my neighbours are driving me crazy. I can hear EVERYTHING from their house. I hear if they sneeze! They've been away for a while which has been pure bliss. Yesterday was like it's always been. Banging and noise so I'm in a state of constant alert. Just as I settle and relax - bang! off we go again. My life revolves round theirs. I'm woken at 6.30am by them and can't go to sleep until they do. Even with music turned up it doesn't drown them out. So I feel irritable and don't get enough sleep. So to my question (at last!) As I lay in bed last night unable to sleep with their outside light shining in and sounds of banging I thought I need to send love to this situation! But when I tried to open my heart I just felt angry and like I wanted to scream and was worried that if I "thought" love, as I definitely didn't FEEL it, that I wouldn't actually be sending love but sending bad vibes. When it's quiet I can send love but it's also tinged with fear. I also tried doing some ho'opnonono on it. But all I was feeling was anger and frustration and resentment. My neighbours are nice people, they're considerate, they're not doing it deliberately. It's just the walls must be sooo thin. I want to feel nice thoughts. But for me, peace and quiet is as essential as love to flourish. And I can think of other situations where you may hate someone, and for valid reasons. So you may WANT to send love and I absolutely agree that it is very powerful and totally essential but how do you do it when you don't FEEL it? This is obviously something I am working on, as these situations are very kindly showing up for me. So would really value any thoughts on this.

Hi Sun,

Yes, interesting questions you ask...one about your specific situation with neighbors and other general one about hating someone.

I am sure there are many ways to look at love regarding you neighbors.

The first thought that came to my mind was Love Yourself. Do what you need to do to show Love to yourself by not subjecting yourself to the irritation of the constant noise. As you mentioned, soundproofing, moving, maybe other creative solutions would surface as energy is focused on Loving and taking care of yourself.

You mention that they are nice and considerate, maybe you could speak to them and they could adjust their lifestyle to be less irritating to you.

I personally have been in similar situations, albeit temporary. I would feel anger, frustration, and get irritable from sleep being interrupted. I made a conscious decision to think only about good things in my life and only good things about my neighbors (this was particularly difficult given that I feel very irritable when I don't get enough sleep, but it is possible).

I then focused on Loving and taking care of myself so that the situation did not continue. (one thing I did in a similar situation was adjust my schedule of sleep and being in the house to coincide with the neighbors so that I experienced as little irritation from their noise as possible).

Regarding hating someone for valid reasons-through years of contemplating a variety of situations, I have come to the conclusion that there is no valid reason to hate someone.

Every single human being on this planet is just that, a human being. Some of them have done terrible things, and may even need to be "locked up/restrained" for the safety of other human beings, but they are still human beings and as such are my "neighbor" on this planet.

Some human beings have hurt me, on purpose, in the most cruel of ways, other human beings on this planet have hurt friends and family, on purpose.

I have hated (and plotted vengeance) on some of these people in the past. However, that did not accomplish good for me or them.

In making a conscious decision to love them, respect them as fellow human beings (this does not mean I approved of their actions), soon after this decision my feelings of hate were replaced with feelings of kindness and, in some cases, understanding, despite what they had done.

btw, the word love is probably one of the most diverse words in the English language, meaning so many different things.

My working definition of Love in the context of this post is NOT directly feeling related....it is action related....

-treat others as I would wanted to be treated if the roles were reversed
-choose to accord others the same respect and importance I accord myself
-choose to do right by a person even if it costs me personally
-choose to give to a person to help them, even when doing so lowers my personal comfort

These are all decisions that result in "acts of love"

In most instances there will be resultant "good feelings" even if there were not positive feeling prior to the decision and action.

One further thought---We, human beings, are all connected to each other. Therefore, when we act in love toward another human being (even if it means "sacrificing" some personal comfort) we are actually acting in love toward ourselves, because we are all connected. This may not bring an immediate "reward" of good feelings, but it certainly is sowing good seed...and I do believe we reap what we sow.

[VoiceForAllCreatures]

The Power of Blessings

I'm new to these posts yet I feel I have something to share here. So I offer the following.

My Doctorate is in Religious Studies, with a concentration in healing through prayer and touch. I am considered both an academic (meaning I write and teach) and a practicing (meaning I can actually DO it as well! LOL) Spiritual Healer. In my studies, I have learned a great deal about the spirituality of different energies. I have learned,for example, about the energy of Blessings. The energy of Blessings is higher than the energy of gratitude, higher than the energy of praise.

When I have trouble being in a place of love or appreciation with someone or something, I do what I call "The Blessings." I also recommend and teach doing "The Blessings" to my Students, now in many countries.

I have yet to find a situation, including difficulties in relationship such as those you write about with your neighbour, that didn't improve noticeably in less than 3 days, when one does The Blessings.

To do The Blessings: First, identify the person or situation. You have yours, that would be, the perceived difficulty with your neighbour's behaviours. Secondly, identify three things that you ABSOLUTELY 100% ADMIRE about your neighbours. The three things you're looking for, MUST be things you TOTALLY think are ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL. They do not have to be "big" things. You just have to BELIEVE they are worthwhile, highly desirable, according to YOUR value system.

As an example, several decades ago, I was perceiving myself as having trouble with a certain man. I simply could not stand him. He occurred for me as ignorant, rude even, especially when he was 'relating' to me. I had to work with him so this was particularly stressing. I was also learning about unconditional love and the energy of Blessing in my spiritual studies. Go figure.

The idea unfolded for me, to Bless him. But HOW? It came to me, to find SOMETHING I absolutely liked about him, and to Bless him for it. I searched and searched. It was very hard for me then. The thought of him made me contract. After much searching, I realized he tied his shoes neatly and correctly. It was small, but it was a start. I value a neat appearance.

"He ties his shoes neatly and correctly."

I struggled to find a second thing. The Universe likes Blessings in threes, this I knew. So I knew I had to find not only a second, but a third thing. Eventually I noticed that he always had a clean mouth, with clean breath. He apparently brushed his teeth regularly. I value a clean mouth. So now I had two things: "He ties his shoes neatly and correctly. He brushes his teeth regularly." Both were things I could relate to positively in a sensory way: one by sight, the other by smell.

I searched for a third thing. I overhead him talking to his child on the telephone. He had a soft, loving, caring voice with his child. He was obviously listening. Now I had a third thing. "He listens to his child." I value listening to children when they speak. And this third thing used the sense of hearing, listening.

I had my three things.

What I did with these three things was: I wrote the sentences down on a 3 x 5 index card. At the top of the card I put his name. Whenever thought of him arose, I made myself get out my card and read it, and feel it in all its sensories, including my valuing of it. I felt the way I value shoes tied neatly and correctly, a clean mouth, and listening to children when they speak.

This next part is KEY: I allowed myself no further thoughts about him. If any other thought of him arose, I got out my card, looked at his name, and read and felt my three things.

I used the index card a lot, even in the first day it got rumpled from use. It was hard at first to make myself think AND FEEL only the three things. By the second day, it got easier.

And on the third day, with me doing nothing different "EXCEPT" the Blessings, he suddenly turned to me, relaxed, smiled, and started talking about his child.

The energy between us had turned completely.

This method, The Blessings, has worked for the many hundreds of Students I have taught it to. Perhaps you can see how it could work for you, in your situation with your neighbors.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth Severino - Healing Connection
PATHS ~ Mind Energetics

[Kevin]

I'm new to these posts yet I feel I have something to share here. So I offer the following.

My Doctorate is in Religious Studies, with a concentration in healing through prayer and touch. I am considered both an academic (meaning I write and teach) and a practicing (meaning I can actually DO it as well! LOL) Spiritual Healer. In my studies, I have learned a great deal about the spirituality of different energies. I have learned,for example, about the energy of Blessings. The energy of Blessings is higher than the energy of gratitude, higher than the energy of praise.

When I have trouble being in a place of love or appreciation with someone or something, I do what I call "The Blessings." I also recommend and teach doing "The Blessings" to my Students, now in many countries.

I have yet to find a situation, including difficulties in relationship such as those you write about with your neighbour, that didn't improve noticeably in less than 3 days, when one does The Blessings.

To do The Blessings: First, identify the person or situation. You have yours, that would be, the perceived difficulty with your neighbour's behaviours. Secondly, identify three things that you ABSOLUTELY 100% ADMIRE about your neighbours. The three things you're looking for, MUST be things you TOTALLY think are ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL. They do not have to be "big" things. You just have to BELIEVE they are worthwhile, highly desirable, according to YOUR value system.

As an example, several decades ago, I was perceiving myself as having trouble with a certain man. I simply could not stand him. He occurred for me as ignorant, rude even, especially when he was 'relating' to me. I had to work with him so this was particularly stressing. I was also learning about unconditional love and the energy of Blessing in my spiritual studies. Go figure.

The idea unfolded for me, to Bless him. But HOW? It came to me, to find SOMETHING I absolutely liked about him, and to Bless him for it. I searched and searched. It was very hard for me then. The thought of him made me contract. After much searching, I realized he tied his shoes neatly and correctly. It was small, but it was a start. I value a neat appearance.

"He ties his shoes neatly and correctly."

I struggled to find a second thing. The Universe likes Blessings in threes, this I knew. So I knew I had to find not only a second, but a third thing. Eventually I noticed that he always had a clean mouth, with clean breath. He apparently brushed his teeth regularly. I value a clean mouth. So now I had two things: "He ties his shoes neatly and correctly. He brushes his teeth regularly." Both were things I could relate to positively in a sensory way: one by sight, the other by smell.

I searched for a third thing. I overhead him talking to his child on the telephone. He had a soft, loving, caring voice with his child. He was obviously listening. Now I had a third thing. "He listens to his child." I value listening to children when they speak. And this third thing used the sense of hearing, listening.

I had my three things.

What I did with these three things was: I wrote the sentences down on a 3 x 5 index card. At the top of the card I put his name. Whenever thought of him arose, I made myself get out my card and read it, and feel it in all its sensories, including my valuing of it. I felt the way I value shoes tied neatly and correctly, a clean mouth, and listening to children when they speak.

This next part is KEY: I allowed myself no further thoughts about him. If any other thought of him arose, I got out my card, looked at his name, and read and felt my three things.

I used the index card a lot, even in the first day it got rumpled from use. It was hard at first to make myself think AND FEEL only the three things. By the second day, it got easier.

And on the third day, with me doing nothing different "EXCEPT" the Blessings, he suddenly turned to me, relaxed, smiled, and started talking about his child.

The energy between us had turned completely.

This method, The Blessings, has worked for the many hundreds of Students I have taught it to. Perhaps you can see how it could work for you, in your situation with your neighbors.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth Severino - Healing Connection
PATHS ~ Mind Energetics

for such powerful insight and help!

[Sunshine]

Hi Kevin and Elizabeth

Just got my laptop back so have been able to read what you both said and wanted to say I really appreciate you both taking the time to say what you did and I found it very helpful. Kevin, what you said about Love yourself was very spot on. That's what I'm doing at the moment. Recognising what is important to me and then setting about providing that is something I'm learning to do. Learning that I'm every bit as important as anybody else and that my feelings count too. And also the things you said about love got me thinking and I thought maybe I was actually doing better than I thought!!! I think (lot of thinking going on here!!!!) I sort of expected myself to have "perfect" loving feelings and I realised that maybe I didn't have to after all! And maybe I could do or think things as well as feel and didn't need to expect perfection! And Elizabeth, thank you for your blessings idea. I've already managed to think of 3 things for my neighbours and am starting on other people and situations as well. There was one person I realllllllllllly strugged with. I managed 2 but for the life of me couldn't find a third. But I kept on coming up with things and trying them out for size and eventually managed to find my 3rd that felt true. So will see how I go with that. Now I just have to practise the second part of it. It really helped that you went into detail and gave examples. My neighbours are away at the moment so it's lovely and quiet. I am making the most of it and feeling nice and relaxed but when they return I will get out my card.

Thanks for giving me ideas. And Elizabeth I just love your dog I absolutely love dogs and cats - and all animals really - and worked with rescue animals for many years.