Grace
Thank You thank You thanK You!!!!
You are truly Awesome!!!!
heather
Originally posted by Grace
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You are truly Awesome!!!!
heather

And I really have been making an effort. And when I get a glimpse of these feelings then I make the most of them and really focus. I know that I do have plenty to be grateful for and I am grateful and trying my best to think of these things and shutting out all the not nice things that are happening. I'm still finding it challenging that despite my best efforts I still am not seeing the results I want. Just to give you a very little example. Like you had a problem with the room but then managed to attract what you wanted, I need a washer and a fridge and had finally found a washer and agreed a sale and then spent the afternoon ringing round to find someone to collect it for me only to be told that she'd given it to her mother! So back to square one. Then I bid for several on ebay and lost every single one. And getting all excited about jobs and picturing getting one and really feeling positive only to then get yet another rejection. I think this is what I'm finding hardest. That I put all the necessary effort in and don't just sit back and expect things to be handed to me on a plate and I have good and happy feelings etc etc and think yes, this is definitely going to happen, but then invariably it doesn't work out and after about the millioneth time (well, ok, maybe just a slight exaggeration!) I find it increasingly hard to keep feeling good and positive. And I have to say that I find it very difficult to accept and love it when I get all these disappointments. I can say it, but I know I don't mean it. There just has been a whole hosts of rejections for various things lately from the small to the large and for the life of me I don't know why it keeps happening and therefore how to turn it round. I keep picking myself up and reapplying everything I know but
.
) but before that used to happen to me aaaaaaaaaaaaall the time!
Well month after month passed by and no jobs showed up, not in my life and not in the lives of the other 57 people either (2 found jobs because they were dancers but the rest of us were not dancers). At first we all sent out CVs very eagerly, fantasizing about the dream jobs we were all certain lay in our near future. But as the weeks passed by and we didn't even get called to not even one tiny little interview, people started getting bitter and disappointed. Everyone started affirming, there are NO jobs out there, with this crisis jobs just DON'T EXIST! They started saying this more and more firmly and insistently every day. Every time I called one of my ex classmates they greeted me with, hi you didn't find a job did ya jobs just don't exist right now!

Its really embarrassing
and hard to admit, but I'm worried that if I don't, all of my relationships will suffer. I was thinking of joining a group, but it happens to be that those meetings are on days that I can't make. Not really sure how to go about handling it but, I'm really sad about it...especially in looking back over my past relationships. Can't deal with the obsessive thinking anymore... its all bumming me out.





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