My Apology

[VJoy]

SallyJane

Dear SallyJane,

I deleted the last post and decided to re-do it, because I didn't want it to come off sounding harsh. I apologize if it did....I just re-read it, and didn't like the tone that it seemed to give off. I was really tired when I wrote it.

I appreciate your suggestions, I would just like to say a few things......

We cannot move... Moving isn't simple, and I could list 10 reasons, valid reasons why my husband and I want and should stay here now.

And, as far as visiting anything like "the country", that is too difficult now, as that would be several hours drive away from me, and I am not up to that physically.

Also, I worry about much more than the lack of nature around me. While nature is nice, I need to focus on these other issues which are on the forefront of my mind.

But I thank you for your kindness!!

SallyJane: heartthrob:

[illusions]

Hi Val

Just letting you know I have read your posts, but haven't had the time to answer them yet (you may have noticed I get carried away when I post and they tend to become Epic! lol so they take quite a long time. )

I've had a sudden rush of offline commitments these few days, so will answer as soon as I can spend more time online. Didn't want you to think I'd given up!

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[Sunshine]

Hi Val

I'm new on here - haven't even got a picture yet! But I just wanted to say hi and that I am thinking of you, especially with your cat.

I too have a cat. She's very old now - 17 or 18 and I completely understand how guilty you feel. Mine has developed this very strident meow when she wants attention and she has to sit on my lap! when she's had enough she
sits on the back of the chair. Interestingly i've noticed that she forgets and if I get up and go to the kitchen then she gets back on all over again. I have felt guilty with her too, particularly when I had to go out to work 9 hours a day and she was home alone. I had another cat who died suddenly last year
and two dogs who I had to have put to sleep. With each of them there were thoughts of guilt - was it the right moment to put them to sleep, was it what they wanted, could I have waited,
could I have done more for them? but I believe that we can only ever do our best. I believe that our pets choose us as much as we choose them and they love us to bits. I don't know if
you've ever heard of Amelia Kinkade, but she can talk to animals. I went to a workshop with her once and she is pretty amazing. She provides evidence so you just know it's true and she really can talk to them. And the interesting thing was that the animals knew their owners feelings. They knew if their owners were worried about them or sad or happy, who their
friends were. Have you ever tried just sitting quietly with your cat and talking to her in your head? I know it might sound daft but just "think" to her and she will most likely pick up your thoughts. Tell her how much you love her and want to do your best for her and ask her what she wants. If it's a load of nonsense, then you've just sat and thought in your chair for a while! If it's true then you've just conveyed to your cat how much you love her and want to take care of her.

There's lots more in your posts that I relate to but just wanted to tell you this for now and hope it helps in someway.

I am thinking of you.

[VJoy]

illusions and Sunshine

Thanks so much illusions!!! Please, don't worry, take your time, you have been so kind!!!

Hi Sunshine!! Nice to meet you, welcome to the forum!!
I am so sorry about the beloved pets that have passed. I do understand your kitty's behaviour, mine is doing that too now.

I can try to talk to her in my head, I will do that!! The dilema is that I do know that animals pick up on our feelings and thoughts, and many of mine are loving, but others, to be honest, are fear, and when I need a break from the caretaking, and take time for myself, I fear she thinks I don't love here or don't want her. I always talk to her out loud, but don't know how much she understands. She certainly acts as if she doesn't understand that mommy just needs some time to herself!!

Cats never develop emotionally past a human 2 year old. So their behaviour is, if you think about it, comparable to a baby or toddler who wants what it wants, when it wants, and doesn't understand why you can't give it what it wants!!

But I know there senses far surpass us, and on some level they do get much of the stuff that we eminate. I think from what you told me of your own experience, you may be able to relate to this.

Thank you for your kind words, and very nice to meet you!

Give your kitty head scratchies for me!!

[zartgirl]

Val

I do understand the inherent challenges in moving, and knew that might not be possible! I also knew it might be hard for you to get to the country also... as not everyone who lives in the city has a vehicle as parking is very expensive. So I totally understand!

Personally I am in the process of manifesting a move to a City!!! Although I do love nature and I definitely love my animals and such... I prefer to live close to a city and have my animals too! A little of both! I am feeling so totally deprived of simple pleasures like shopping! I have to drive an hour to a sad little mall! Although we do have a Macy's (I am currently working there now) it is very small nothing like you would think of a Macy's. I also have challenges connecting with the people here in this small town... they are nice enough and such, but I have not a clue of what to talk to them about, and as such I have few friends here! My close ones disapeared when I got divorced... I am possitive I am better off without them. The cool thing is I am already making new friends in the city I am moving to! In order for me to move I had to manifest a girlfriend in that city for my X husband so he would want to move there too, because he would not let me take MY kids that far from him (not that he spends much time with them). I have had to manifest a lot in myself too, and the last part of that mainifestation is the finances to move... They are coming in too, sooo soon I will be back in my beloved California!

So I do understand. I also understand the advantages of living in a city... financially there are more opportunities and that is another reason I am wanting to move, but most of all my family and friends all live down there!

That is why I stated that it was a weird suggestion to move to the country!

Blessings Sallyjane

[VJoy]

SallyJane

OOH, SallyJane, I am so glad you aren't mad at me because of my first post about the country (I hope you read my edited version) because in no way did I want you to think I upset with you or intentially being rude. Thank you for understanding if the first post came off that way, I didn't mean that.

That is wonderful that you have manifested all that is coming to you!!

As much as I say I hate the city, there are definate advantages to it that I like. I have always lived here, and I guess I am a city girl. In the past, when I used to be able to go on vacations, we went to beautiful places, like Bucks County, PA, where it is GORGEOUS!!! And also parts of upper NY are exquisite. As much as I miss these atmospheres, frankly there are also the drawbacks.....like convenience. And, I don't even drive!!!! (hubby does though)

I can't even imagine driving for an hour to get to the nearest decent shopping as you do. Especially since I have loads of health issues, convenience is very important for me.

We actually moved to White Plains, NY about 10 years ago. I thought it would alter my life, and I would finally be happy. (if you don't know the area, it is like a mini-city where we moved, yet very different feel than NYC). Well........I wasn't used to it, and became so depressed at feeling isolated, that we got out of our lease after only 4 months. And moved back here, to Queens. I was much happier.

My Brother-in-Law moved from Long Island to Hershy PA about 3 years ago. And while they are happy there, his wife and family also find it hard to connect with the neighborhood, sort of small town atmosphere. I guess it can be culture shock to make such an abrupt change. So you are not alone in this, I think many people feel alone in small towns., ([I]I am not putting down small towns at all, I think there are wonderful things about them!!! It is just all an individual preference thing)[/I]

So...Sorry this is a bit of a ramble, there are pros and cons to any situation, and I do understand your feeling this way also.

But you are in control of your life to bring you all your happiness!!!! And that is totally awesome!!!!

SALLYJANE

[illusions]

Hi Val

Okay, I'm back! With a few hours to spare! lol. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to reply, but I know that I need at least an hour to an hour and a half, usually longer for these posts and I haven't had more than a few minutes at a time on here. But you have been in my mind every day, and the answers to your post are pouring out of my head lol. So, here I go....

Thank you so much for your patience, most people don't have it when it comes to me, because I am stuck in such a bad place and have trouble seeing "out of the box".

Not at all!! I enjoy answering your posts as they're thought-provoking and often when I first read them I think "Ooh, that's a good point, I don't know how to answer that!" and it makes me think out of the box lol , and I'm learning new perspectives myself as I'm answering yours. Also, up to about a year ago, many of the views you've expressed here were mine too! So I understand more than you might think.

I'm SO glad you've started the Trauma Module!! Now, it's very, very important to take it easy! Sleep as much as you can manage. I know you're struggling with the IBS at the moment, and also your cat, and I'll answer that further down, but Prioritize Sleep as MUCH as you can. The more you can sleep and rest, the faster the healing process.

Something I've noticed about the Trauma Free module is that it sometimes brings up stuff to be dealt with - luckily, because of Paths, you don't need to do anything consciously because the work is being done subconsciously, but you may experience a bit of turmoil. It's like when you wash a dirty, greasy frying pan. When you first put water and soap in it and start scrubbing, all the grease and dirt starts swirling around and it looks worse than before you started cleaning it. Then, as you continue to clean and then you rinse it out, of course you can then see the dirt and grease go.

This is what often happens with emotional healing (sometimes called a healing crises). With Paths, when this happens, you can remind yourself that the work is being done at a cellular level. You can't see it. But it's happening.

If you broke your leg and it was in plaster. You'd have to just rest and wait for it to heal. You wouldn't be able to SEE it healing, but if you just sat and watched T.V. all day, your leg would still be healing. You wouldn't have to physically DO anything. And the pain might get worse at times, as the bones knit together. But that pain wouldn't mean nothing's happening or that the injury is getting worse, it's part of the process of the bones knitting together.

And then, only once the healing was complete, and the plaster was removed, would you see the benefit of the healing.

In the meantime, if, instead of resting and trusting the healing process, you had kept getting up and pacing each time it hurt, and worrying, and opening the plaster to see if you can see any result yet, and going back to the doctor to get him to check on it, and so on - then you would be holding up the healing process and it would take much longer. This is the same with using Paths for Emotional Healing. The Trauma module is doing the work, but you may experience some "pain" (traumatic moments or experiences) as part of the healing process.

The way to help the healing progress faster, is to distract yourself at those times. If worries and doubts come up, and you feel stressed or any other negative emotions and thoughts, watch a movie, or something on T.V. or YouTube that makes you laugh, or that you find really interesting; read a book that absorbs you; have a relaxing bubble bath (bubble baths are grossly underestimated!), knowing that even as you watch T.V. or read, or sleep, the healing is happening allllll that time. The work is being done on a cellular level even as you sit and watch comedy on YouTube And if you feel too overwhelmed to be able to distract yourself, go to sleep! The Majority of healing happens when you are in deep sleep.

Okay, so that's the Trauma Module story. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns about it. Be sure to watch it Every Day! Take Extra Spirulina, drink Extra Water, and get Extra Sleep for this one particularly.

I don't play chess anymore because, 25 years ago I used to be really good. I could anticipate up to 4 moves ahead, and even if I lost, I loved the strategy. (and it didn't involve math!)
Now when I play, I am so rusty, I can't even think one move ahead, and it makes me feel stupid.

How about starting on an easy level again, and then building up as you get back into it? I suspect you'll say you don't want to do that because it would make you feel stupid. When an athlete hasn't practiced for a while (and with athletes, it doesn't take long for them to get out of practice!) and he goes back to work, he falls over. He misses - a LOT! He has to go back to the begining with some things. But the difference is that even though he may go back to the begining, because he still has the skill in him and he just needs to get back into it, he progresses faster from the begining to where he was last - than it took him to get there in the first place - because he's not LEARNING it again, he's REMEMBERING it and getting back into practice. Would you think he was incompetent? Would you think he's "lost it"?

I guarantee that Chess World Champions who haven't played for a year or two would be rusty! And they would be out of the practice of thinking ahead, ... and would you think they were stupid when you heard they had to practice playing a computer on the easy level again, and work their way up to get back to their peak level?

Also, I don't do many things I used to love. This is just one of them.

Why is that? One of the most important components for healing - emotionally, mentally AND physically is doing things you love! I know some of them may be difficult if you can't physically do them, but there will be some (like the chess) that you Can do if you Choose to.

You've tried SO much to heal, so many different modalities, therapies and so on. What if the ONLY way to heal yourself was to do only what makes you feel good. What if the ONLY way to heal yourself was to be good to yourself and to give yourself a break?

You've been programmed to treat yourself the way you were treated by those who raised you. You've been programmed with beliefs that you are what you believe THEY think you are. You've been programmed to treat yourself with contempt and that you don't deserve to feel good.

Luckily for you, you NOW get to CHOOSE how you treat yourself. You get to Choose to either continue with your current programming, or to say "No, actually *&%* you all! I REFUSE to continue following your lead. You've been an Extremely Poor excuse for role models, and I now CHOOSE to make myself feel good in whatever way I feel like!"

And then you can CHOOSE to do those things that make you feel good, and not only does the healing continue while you're doing things that make you feel good, but feeling good HELPS to speed up the healing!

If you imagine a horse who has been ill-treated. And the person who has just bought it wants it to pull a cart. So he hitches the half-starved, beaten and bleeding animal to the cart, and when the horse can't even move because it is so damaged, the new owner shouts at it, and beats it some more.... is that horse EVER likely to be able to pull that cart??

However, if the new owner takes that horse to a vet, and then nurses it back to health with love, nourishment, compassion and caring. If he speaks to the horse with gentle and encouraging words, if he tells the horse it's going to be okay, it's going to get better. If he shows the horse he loves it by giving it treats that the vet has said are okay. If he Lets it rest in a comfortable stable where it's warm and safe. And allows it, as it gets better, to graze in the sunshine, and on the days it feels worse, if he gives it Extra caring and love.... that horse will heal and get stronger, and it will then be ABLE and Willing to pull that cart!

You are that horse! The previous owners who ill-treated you are your parents. The NEW owner, is YOURSELF! It's up to YOU now to put down the whip, unhitch yourself from that cart, and give yourself some nursing back to health with Love and Compassion and Caring - or, just like the horse you won't be ABLE to heal! You CAN'T possibly heal while you're continuing to beat yourself emotionally, where your parents left off!

And one of the first steps you can take in putting down the whip and unhitching yourself from the cart, and starting to help yourself heal, is to start doing things you love. Even if you start with just one - maybe chess. And at first it may feel odd. Even the horse would find it odd to be suddenly treated with kindness instead of being shouted at and beaten. He may well even react with suspicion! But with coaxing and reassurance from his new owner, he will slowly begin to accept and respond to the new experience of kindness.

I'm going to continue in a new post as this one is soooo looooong already! (hour and a half so far - and I've only just got started! lol)

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[illusions]

Hello again

honestly don't know how learning about how "life is a game and about strategy" can help me when EXTERNAL events happen that I have no control over

This is why I wasn't sure about Chess so much because there's no "luck" factor. In Monopoly, you have no control over the dice rolls, and you may sometimes land on "Go to Jail" (numerous times in a row sometimes! ) or "Income Tax" or your opponent's hotels. And you can't change that, but you Can choose how to respond to it. You can choose what You do next.

Then, when I thought about Chess in this context, I realised that you don't have any control over your opponent's moves. You only have contol over how YOU respond to that move. That's where the strategy comes in. So it may still apply in Chess.

I honestly don't know how learning about how "life is a game and about strategy" can help me when EXTERNAL events happen that I have no control over, like some news I got today which was very upsetting. What does one do with that kind of info? And you might say, it is perception and choice.......this news I got hurts me and my cat, and I can't stop it. (no, it has nothing to do with her health, but her mental state), and other people in my building, especially anyone elderly or sick, which there are many.
Okay, now you are wondering what this is. they are doing construction work on my apartment building, outside with scaffolding. This creates UNBELIEVABLE noise, and has been going on all summer. Now I find out it will continue through the next few months, and move over to an area of my apartment where the sound will be LOUDER. As distressing and NON relaxing as this is to me, my poor cat!!! She can hear this far more intensely than me, and I see how it disturbs her!! She doesn't deserve this.....why????? This is cruel, and I cannot stop this.

You're right in that you don't have control over the builders, just like you don't have control over your opponent in Chess, or the dice rolls in Monopoly, and this is where Strategy comes in. You do have control over your response to your oponent's move. I know you've mentioned that it's difficult for you to get out and so on, and remember that in a game of chess, it often looks like you're trapped (is it "check"?) You may not be able to see a move straight away. I know it sometimes takes players a very long time to work out where the best place is to move to. Am I right in thinking sometimes it may look like you can't move without being caught or ending up in a worse position, and then, after thinking strategically, you can work out a move that does work for you?

Also, your oponent may be "bluffing" - they may not do what they're implying they're going to do. All sorts of things can happen. Building work can often be postponed (I don't know about there, but here in the UK all sorts of projects are being put on hold because of the financial situation). I'm not saying that it will be, but it's Certainly a Possibility! And there are many others that we would never have thought of.

But if you buy into your opponent's threat, and you react as if there's no way out, then that will be what you create, because you will be playing the game that way. If you look at your opponent's move, and you decide that because you can't see a way out at the moment, and you believe that your opponent is going to check-mate you no matter what you do... then you give up and say okay fine, you win. And yet, if you're thinking strategically and unemotionally, and you take your time to look at allllll the possibilities, and you take into account that he may even be bluffing, and you think in different ways to the ways you've thought before, there may be solutions you'd never have even seen if you had been reacting emotionally and if you'd given up on face value.

Does that make sense?

But I do feel ENORMOUS GUILT if I am not spending all my time with her..She wants me now as I type this, but if I give in, I would never be able to go online.....but this guilt overwhelms me, it is like ANY caretaker of any pet, family member, aged parent, you love them and take care of them, but need a break!, and even I know I deserve a break, I feel guilty to take any. I do, in the afternoons, for a few hours, for my sanity.
I also feel guilt because I feel in the 7 years we have had her, I haven't done enough for her, although my hubby tells me I am an awesome catmom. I just believe I should have done MORE for her.....

Here's what I believe is happening with your cat:
Animals feel our energy. They feel our energy and it affects them. They also live in the moment. If you are feeling worried, are in pain, feeling guilty, etc. - your cat would find it very difficult to just relax somewhere else. She's going to be all over you, trying to make YOU feel better!! So that SHE can feel better!!

The more tense, anxious and distressed you are, the more she'll be trying to get your attention - not to get attention in the way we normally describe it, but to get your attention in an attempt to Change Your Energy. If a cat family member of hers was ill or feeling "under the weather" - she'd not leave it alone until it felt better. She'd be grooming it, and rubbing against it and energetically trying to lift its energy!

She's not needing affection and attention for herself, we interpret it that way because we think from a human perspective - she's "nagging" you, because she's trying to make you feel better so that she will feel better. She's trying to calm your energy so that she can feel calm.

Cats obviously don't have reasoning power or logical comprehension, so there's no way for her to know that if she did just leave you alone and go and lie down and relax, it would help take pressure off you and it would help you feel more relaxed - there's no way for her to know that it's becoming a viscious circle in that, the more stressed you are, the more she tries to calm you, and the more she tries to calm you, the more that adds to the stress ... and so on.

So, because she doesn't have the ability to reason and understand logic etc. and because what she's doing is pure instinct, just as she would with another cat in her familly, it has to be you who breaks the cycle. You have to be the one to focus on doing things that make you feel good, relaxed and happy. And I GUARANTEE, once you are relaxed and happy, your cat will be happy to just relax, and will not be constantly trying to get your attention. She won't need to, because she'll feel secure, because your energy will feel secure.

I hope that helps to explain it?

Hmmmm - I've just been scolded by the forum automated thingy for my post being too long so I'm going to cut it in two, and this seems like a good place to make the break.
So excuse me a moment, I'll be right back! ... xxx

[illusions]

I am glad your IBS is better!! Mine has gotten much worse over the last summer, where the attacks hit 2 weeks out of every month (based on my cycle). I have tried diet, etc, everything you mention. These attacks of pain are so bad, if I didn't have the 3 drugs I take for the pain, I would
gladly die. (I spend most of that time in the fetal position, drugged out of my mind, and it only half helps the pain. Kevin clued me into the possibility of mercury, so I know my mercury and lead are elevated, and I am going through chelation therapy now, to hope that it will help. I don't know yet if
it has, my next attack would happen any time now, and my treatments aren't over....so the verdict is out.

I know IBS is irritated or caused by emotions, and stress, and deep rooted emotional issues, and I just have them. I am trying to improve, but that takes time. I don't know what else to do...

Not only is it caused by and irritated by emotions and stress, it is a Direct Manifestation of how you feel about yourself!!

You are correct about how I feel about myself. I hate myself, have no self esteem, do not treat myself well. I feel I do not deserve good things. And the GUILT! I don't do any of the things that used to bring me pleasure, I used to have a life!!!! Friends, many interests, better health, a wicked sense of humor!!! but this is all gone. I do still read, which I enjoy all my life, but somehow I am STUCK in not doing anything else for my happiness, except watch my favorite TV shows, which is also easy for me and I do enjoy, but there aren't many shows.

The Guilt you mention is Litterally Eating You Alive!!! The hate you have for yourself is Litterally Eating You Alive!! And it's another viscious circle! The Guilt and Self Loathing manifests as IBS and more.... and then you feel more Guilt and Self Loathing because you can't be as you'd like to be.... which makes the IBS and other physical ailments increase in intensity.... and so on.

All of the treatments you've been looking at, for IBS are aimed at the symptom. And I don't mean the symptoms of IBS, I mean that IBS ITSELF is only a symptom. That's why it's not going. It's like trying to get rid of weeds in your garden by chopping the heads off them. Unless you pull them out by the roots, they're not going away!

Looking for cures for the IBS is like looking for various tools to chop the heads of the weeds more efficiently, hoping that if you could just find the
right tool, it'll chop the head off in the right way so that it won't grow again.
You need to look past the head of the weed, and go down and pull out the ROOT!

And the root of your IBS is the way you feel about yourself!! NO DOUBT about that At All!!! If you change the way you feel about yourself, your beliefs about yourself, and the way you Treat yourself, the IBS will fade Automatically!!

And I know it can be very difficult to change those beliefs and patterns. They've been really well ingrained into you. They're part of you. Every cell in your body is programmed with those beliefs and those patterns. But it IS possible. It's not easy, but then neither is suffering the pain of the IBS.

And of course, luckily Paths is doing work at a cellular level, so you don't have to consciously do anything except give yourself a bit of a break!

It's difficult, but it IS possible. And remember that a person who is really starving and really desperate, will crawl through a cactus to reach food. If you are Really fed up with the pain, you will force yourself to be good to yourself, if that's the only way to get rid of the IBS - and I believe that it is.

And again here, you need to think Strategically rather than give in to the automatic emotional reaction... There WILL be a way (more than one) that will work to turn your beliefs about yourself around, and there WILL be a way for you to bring yourself to be good to yourself, and there WILL be a way to get rid of the Guilt (my sister and myself are Expert Survivors of Extreme Guilt!! so I KNOW it's possible!! - again, it's Nothing to do with strength, it is Pure FED-UP-ness!! Pure "I %*$%ING REFUSE TO PUT UP WITH THIS ANYMORE!!!"-ness! It's Pure Desperation!) There WILL be a way, but it may take some planning and some strategy. Think about the suggestions I've made, and if you don't feel any of them will work, then think strategically and see what you can come up with yourself. Imagine it as a chess game.

If your life depends on treating yourself with love and compassion and if your life depends on enjoying yourself (and I believe it does!) - and if your kitty's life depends on you enjoying yourself (and I believe it does), then you WILL find a way to get rid of the guilt enough to begin to enjoy yourself - even if it's just a little bit each day to begin with!

The Guilt you feel - the guilt that makes you deny yourself things you love - is your whip. And for most of your life, your parents held that whip. And they
controlled you with it. Now, YOU hold the whip. And it's Your choice to continue using it on yourself, or to recognise that you don't have to, and to choose to put it down. You cannot heal while you're still beating yourself, and by denying yourself things that make you feel happy, by denying yourself your own approval and love, you are beating yourself!

Think about your parents, and ask yourself if you approve of the way they treated you, and of the way they ran their own lives. And if the answer is no, then make a point of doing the EXACT OPPOSITE to what they did. Treat yourself the EXACT OPPOSITE to the way they did. It may feel odd at first (remember the horse), but you'll get used to it And you will be AMAZED at the results.

If you REALLY want to heal, and you REALLY want to see results from Paths, then all you really have to do, is to focus on relaxing and being kind to
yourself. And I know from first-hand experience that that is not as easy and simple as it sounds, but it IS possible. Take it in small steps. Pick just one
thing that makes you feel good that you no longer do, and make yourself do it. And when the guilt comes up, recognise it for what it really is - an outdated tool of control. It was programmed into you in order to control you. It isn't a real thing. It just feels real because of the programming.

And if you still find it difficult, then remember that the only way for your cat to calm down is for you to stop feeling guilty - now there's a bit of a conundrum, lol. You may well feel guilty for feeling guilty.... and that's an example of how destructive guilt is! It perpetuates itself.

Guilt does not help your cat. She feels right now, in the moment. She doesn't remember what you did yesterday never mind last week and she CERTAINLY has no idea what you did or didn't do for her over the last seven years! All she knows is what is happening Now. And what your energy feels like Now. She is consciously only aware of this moment. The present moment. And so, if you begin to relax and do things you love doing, if you begin to treat yourself well, your energy will AUTOMATICALLY improve - and she will feel it, in the moment! And THAT is the Most Precious Gift you can give to her - YOU treating yourself well and doing what you love in this moment. She benefits from that.

I hope this helps.
Do something delicious for yourself today.

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[Christine G.]

Odille

You are AMAZING! I am in awe of you!! I am so grateful for you in my life!!! FANTASTIC words!!

[VJoy]

illusions

Dear illusions....

I can't thank you enogh for your posts. You say things and put things in a way no one else ever has to me. I wish to answer what you said, but at the moment I am SOOOOO drugged up from the IBS pain, that I am not capable of thinking clearly. (bad evening for an attack).........I print out all your posts, and deeply consider them.

I really anxious to respond, but I know won't do a good job because I am seeing blurry (drugs) and I am not thinking clearly (drugs), although I read thorugh your recent posts, and am again awed by your intellignece and insight!!!

Thank you soooo much!!! I don't know how I can tell you how much I appreciate your kindness and effort.........I had no idea it took you so long to respond to me, and I am deeply grateful.

I will respond when I feel a bit more clearheaded, hopefully later tonight or tomorrow........THANK YOU!!!

[Christine G.]

Val

I visualize posts written by you overcoming everything!! I feel like it will be soon

[illusions]

Thank you Christine
I'm honoured to have you in my life too! xxxx

[illusions]

You're Very Welcome Val!

I'm so glad it helps, and I do enjoy contributing - and the Challenge

You have a good rest, and I'm looking forward to reading your reply when you're feeling up to it.

Love and Light and Magic xxx

[VJoy]

illusions and Christine

Thank you very much Christine!! I hope you are right!!!


Dear illusions........I see from Christine's post that your real name is Odille, may I call you that? I had no idea.....

Okay......(I don't know how to do the quote thing, so I will just copy and paste..in purple)I'm SO glad you've started the Trauma Module!! Now, it's very, very important to take it easy! Sleep as much as you can manage. I know you're struggling with the IBS at the moment, and also your cat, and I'll answer that further down, but Prioritize Sleep as MUCH as you can. The more you can sleep and rest, the faster the healing process.

I sleep terribly. I have depended on some kind of sleep aid since I was a teenager (I am now 45), and I have been on anti-anxiety drugs for the last 10 years that make me sleepy, and sometimes that isn't enough. I did try melatonin, too little doesn't work ,and too much makes me groggy in the morning, so I us a natural herbal thingee called "Tranquinol", which does help, but many times I have trouble falling asleep, wake up to early, and even if I sleep through the night, I know it is a drugged sleep. I had hoped the Sleep module (advanced) would help, but it hasn't yet.........

.......but you may experience some "pain" (traumatic moments or experiences) as part of the healing process.This is what often happens with emotional healing (sometimes called a healing crises). With Paths, when this happens, you can remind yourself that the work is being done at a cellular level.

It hasn't happend, but I actually am afraid it will make my stomach pain worse..that hasn't stopped me from wanting paths to work, but I am afraid of that.

I guarantee that Chess World Champions who haven't played for a year or two would be rusty!

I know I am rusty......I just don't do it. Why? The eternal question.....

Why is that? One of the most important components for healing - emotionally, mentally AND physically is doing things you love!

Three big reasons come to mind why I don't do the things I Like other than reading and watching TV. (besides a few shows I like, the TV keeps me company....I am alone all day, I have no friends anymore, and no one to talk to except the hubby, who is at work. Pathetic, isn't it?

`I don't feel I am worthwhile. I take up air. I am not worth it.
`My heath has declined (I have other illnesses and pain, besides IBS), and I am ALWAYS too tired.
`I feel that the "cruel" God/Universe/creator, whatever, will cause something bad to happen directly as a result of my trying improving myself.

This has happened many many times. Earlier this summer I declared that I HAD GOTTEN SO HUNGRY I WOULD CRAWL THROUGH CACTUSTO GET FOOD. and I decided to change my life. I determined to try positive thinking, various stuff, and signed up for Paths. Just around then, the IBS pain got worse. And I have had it now for 5 months, half the time of agonizing torture. I became deflated. Why bother being positive when the next bad thing is going to crap all over me? I know you are going to tell me this is a perception, that "bad" stuff happens to us all, and perhaps it is, but I could site many instances in my life where I decided to change my life for the positive, and it was followed DIRECTLY by something bad.......often NOT of my own making, an EXTERNAL event....so I developed the philosophy of laying low, and why bother, and be afraid.

What if the ONLY way to heal yourself was to be good to yourself and to give yourself a break? ........Luckily for you, you NOW get to CHOOSE how you treat yourself.

You are correct, I can choose. I just don't. That may sound weird, but it is true. I have called myself lazy all along, and everyone tells me, no, you are depressed., not lazy. I still feel lazy.....

You're right in that you don't have control over the builders, just like you don't have control over your opponent in Chess, or the dice rolls in Monopoly, and this is where Strategy comes in. You do have control over your response to your oponent's move. I know you've mentioned that it's difficult for you to get out and so on, and remember that in a game of chess, it often looks like you're trapped (is it "check"?) You may not be able to see a move straight away. I know it sometimes takes players a very long time to work out where the best place is to move to. Am I right in thinking sometimes it may look like you can't move without being caught or ending up in a worse position, and then, after thinking strategically, you can work out a move that does work for you?

Yep!! You know your chess!!! You are correct.

But if you buy into your opponent's threat, and you react as if there's no way out, then that will be what you create, because you will be playing the game that way. If you look at your opponent's move, and you decide that because you can't see a way out at the moment, and you believe that your opponent is going to check-mate you no matter what you do... then you give up and say okay fine, you win. And yet, if you're thinking strategically and unemotionally, and you take your time to look at allllll the possibilities, and you take into account that he may even be bluffing, and you think in different ways to the ways you've thought before, there may be solutions you'd never have even seen if you had been reacting emotionally and if you'd given up on face value.

Yes, but here I don't totally agree. Maybe I am naive, but to me there are some situations where you absolutely cannot change them. You are stuck. It is GOING to happen, or is happening.........Like some of the crap falling on me that I mentioned earlier.......

Here's what I believe is happening with your cat:
She's going to be all over you, trying to make YOU feel better!! So that SHE can feel better!!
The more tense, anxious and distressed you are, the more she'll be trying to get your attention - not to get attention in the way we normally describe it, but to get your attention in an attempt to Change Your Energy. She's not needing affection and attention for herself, we interpret it that way because we think from a human perspective - she's "nagging" you, because she's trying to make you feel better so that she will feel better. She's trying to calm your energy so that she can feel calm.............And I GUARANTEE, once you are relaxed and happy, your cat will be happy to just relax, and will not be constantly trying to get your attention. She won't need to, because she'll feel secure, because your energy will feel secure.


Dear Odille.......with this I also disagree on a point. My cat may be doing a bit of that, but I know she is sick. She can't lie on her stomach. She has Inflammatory Bowel Disease, which came on this past Spring (another thing that happened when I tried to be positive), and it has gotten worse. She can't get comfortable, or is nauseous, or constipated, and she is talking to me, telling me "I don't feel well mommy, help me!"......this I know... I know my darling, and this is why I feel we may have to put her to sleep. The Vet is trying different meds and diet, to see if that helps....but I don't know.
When I am upset, sometimes she comes over, but not always. She used to do more of that, but now in her state of health she doesn't move nearly as much. Now, you are correct that she lives in the moment, she does remember some things, and you are correct that the more upset I am the more upset she becomes.........but much of her "behavior" is because of her health.....this I assure you. I actually do think mentally I am pulling away from her a bit because watching her in discomfort and the idea of making such a decision is too painful, and I KNOW she would feel that........my heart has shut a little sometimes, the pain is too much....But I cannot imagine my lfie without her

Not only is it caused by and irritated by emotions and stress, it is a Direct Manifestation of how you feel about yourself!!
The Guilt you mention is Litterally Eating You Alive!!! The hate you have for yourself is [B]Litterally Eating You Alive!! ...............And the root of your IBS is the way you feel about yourself!! NO DOUBT about that At All!!! If you change the way you feel about yourself, your beliefs about yourself, and the way you Treat yourself, the IBS will fade Automatically!!

Yes, I had hoped it was the mercury, but other than that, yes, you are correct.

And of course, luckily Paths is doing work at a cellular level, so you don't have to consciously do anything except give yourself a bit of a break!

I would hope so......approaching 3 months and nothing yet.....I am waiting....

And again here, you need to think Strategically rather than give in to the automatic emotional reaction... There WILL be a way (more than one) that will work to turn your beliefs about yourself around, and there WILL be a way for you to bring yourself to be good to yourself, and there WILL be a way to get rid of the Guilt ..............And again here, you need to think Strategically rather than give in to the automatic emotional reaction... There WILL be a way (more than one) that will work to turn your beliefs about yourself around, and there WILL be a way for you to bring yourself to be good to yourself, and there WILL be a way to get rid of the Guilt



Pick just one
thing that makes you feel good that you no longer do, and make yourself do it. And when the guilt comes up, recognise it for what it really is - an outdated tool of control. It was programmed into you in order to control you. It isn't a real thing. It just feels real because of the programming.

I know you are correct..
I have been given that advice before......I try something once, and let it go.... I can only think that what stops me is what I mentioned above...the feeling that I am not worth it, my life is a failure, so why bother, ----or I am too tired.

Sigh........... am I driving you crazy???

I don't know how to thank you for your time and attention to me.... I am deeply grateful Odille...




Okay, UPDATE.....I played one game of online chess, and it was kind of fun! Now I am going to watch one of my favorite TV shows ........honestly, I was not thinking of
strategy vs. luck, = lifeI was focused on winning.....I think that takes practice..I didn't get the connection of strategy vs. luck = life scenario......??? To me one is a game, the other is real life........???........but at least I tried one game. Maybe I can get myself to do more.......