Chinese Energetic Medicine by Grace

[Adrienne]

congratz grace

hey, congratz on your medal.. and it looks like you had a great time...
how wonderful!!

i have really enjoyed your posts and like pamela i have also been waiting for what you had to say...
and lol, what an opportune tiome for it to show up for me!!
absolutly perfect.. like everything is even if it doesn't feel good..
so am gonna incorporate the info with the 1 000 000 other insights, and inspirations that are showing up...
wow..
And BTW i got a month off of work and am grateful for this...
and i did go on my camping trip, and it was awesome...

oh ya, i copy and pasted your last two posts on email and sent them to friends....
cuz i was so moved by them
Gracious..
cheers grace
I love you all!!

[heat_georgia]

thanks Grace!

I love your last post. It was something I needed to be reminded of too.
When we are going through a healing crisis or a difficult time, sometimes its easy to forget that the negative thoughts, feelings, and habits that we are wanting to release, are based on past thoughts, and are not who we currently are. And sometimes when we are aware that we are creating our outer world from the inner world it hurts, because at least for me personally, i have been very hard on myself when i realize that i created something that i did not want. it can be frustrating especially when you create similar experiences over and over....and you wonder to yourself just how long its gonna take to really get it. lol.

anyway....
thanks again for your very insightful posts!
love heather

[future pather]

. . . It is more important for you both to focus on what you do desire instead of what you don't.. . .

Tonight I felt inspired to explain a bit on Why one attracts and experiences life as they do.

Ooh Gracie, so true, so true!!

One way I've heard this same thing expressed is that we repeat patterns because our subconscious wants to get problems right. So without meaning to, we will attract similar situations as if we could learn more from them and master them.

When in truth, there are many battles not worth fighting and it's ok to just let go of the whole thing

Wowowowza Pamela's new painting is da bomb!!!!

XO Jessica

[Grace]

For Ayurved and cassiopeias_dream!

Sort of on that same wavelength, Grace would you please do some corrections for me, and daughter Liz. We were broken into last night! They took the curvey part of brass mailbox to jimmy open the outer halldoor, got in the basement and took all the bikes!!! My daughter is devastated.

I'm wanting any insight how/why I manifested this..or is unbalanced energy coming from somewhere else? Is it because of my frustration with being here? I've had 3 minor break-ins the last year! In the past, when young I've lived in 'bad' neighborhoods and was never bothered even when everyone else around me was...so thats what I always expect!

Much Love and Gratitude,
Nancy

One thing I've found lately is that i've become pretty agressive!!!! I suspect the Self Esteem module - being relatively low self-esteem my whole life, I've never really been an angry person, if somebody did something bad to me i'd always on some level feel I deserved it and I wouldn't get upset. Well lately I've been becoming progressively more short-tempered and likely to express it. This didn't really worry me before as I assumed it would pass relatively quickly, but yesterday I nearly got beaten up by a random crackhead when I was out with my friend! He didn't hit me or anything, but he was close to it, for hardly any reason. I was a bit drunk admittedly, and perhaps displayed a bit of atitude, but I didn't provoke him enough to warrant an attack like that, he just randomly started swearing at me, poked his finger into me quite violently, grabbed my wrist really hard and threatened to bite me - had to push his head away to stop him from doing so. A taxi driver ended up intervening, and my friend called the police. It's a bit scary, because I've lived in London for four years, and although this kind of thing happens all the time here, I've never encountered it even when walking alone at night in dodgy areas. I have the feeling that me becoming more agressive has opened me up to more agressive vibes, thus attracting agressive people.I hope the Ho'oponopono kicks in soon, because I may not be as lucky next time!!!!!

I am struggling with this at the moment, and I have the perfect job in which to learn this! I am a waitress in the financial district, so the clientele has tended to be stressed, cold and often snobbish bankers who either treat you like you're a robot who exists only to serve them, or a piece of meat with nothing but a pretty exterior. Lately I have realised how much dislike I carry for them, but also that this is my issue and not theirs. Also, my dislike for them obviously attracts a different experience than it would if I felt nothing but compassion for them. Finally, it's also a self-esteem thing - I am insecure about getting a lack of respect, and so that's exactly what I get! I've actually started realising lately how large a part of my day goes to thinking hostile and negative thoughts about the people that surround me (customers only, as I have no problem with my workmates), and it's shocking!

Then again, it's one thing to "know" something, and a completely different one to live it. Once i'm in the zone of negativity, I struggle to get out. But often, while working a particularly difficult shift, I think to myself "if I can get further down the path to enlightenment in this job, I can do it almost anywhere!!" Also, I think I will try doing affirmations. It's difficult to send love when you're feeling nothing but hostility, but at least mental affirmations are just words that you can tell yourself, and even if you don't believe them at all, I have found them to have some effect over time.

Hi Nancy and Cass,

The reason for these experiences you both have had is the same. I have made corrections for your Emotional, and Spiritual Bodies. I usually don't go into the "why" this happened, because It is more important for you both to focus on what you do desire instead of what you don't. I also don't go into the "Why's" because then people tend to blame themselves which is also another form of fear based thinking. It is also true that what I discover when peeling off layers of fear via CEM corrections is not pretty, and also not worth expressing in words. It also takes minimum an hour for me to make such a post explaining the "why's", and would not give me the time I need for my family and work. Initially when I began this thread, I offered to make CEM corrections, and to answer any questions concerning Chinese Energetic Medicine, and any questions concerning Paths. It is extremely challenging to go beyond this. I may not reply, to a post, email, skype, facebook message right away, but I will make the necessary CEM corrections immediately.

Tonight I felt inspired to explain a bit on Why one attracts and experiences life as they do. As I have explained before, your courageous posts, help thousands of people, so I will go into detail when it muscle tests strong for me to do so.

I would like to bring to your attention that you both have been focused on Fear based thoughts, and any fear based thought will vibrate within you, and attract outer experiences of like vibration. It may look different at any given time, but the vibration is the same, slow and stagnate. Fear of anything will attract undesirable experiences.

It is very important, especially when in the middle of "not so good" experiences, to remain calm and focused. Remember, that what is happening in your outer world now is a result of past, thinking, feelings, and emotions, and to begin immediately to focus as often as possible on Higher vibrational thoughts, feelings and emotions. Affirmations work when you use your thoughts, Feelings, and Emotions together as One powerful force.

For example,

Thoughts - "I am Whole, Perfect, Powerful, Strong, Loving, Harmonious, and Happy" my favorite mantra straight from the book The Master Key Systems by Charles F Haanel (read part 24 first, then Part 23, 22, etc).


Feelings - GRATITUDE!!!

Emotions - Energy in Motion

I want you to understand what emotions are truly about , so let's go into a little explanation.


"An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Emotions are subjective experiences, or experienced from an individual point of view. Emotion is often associated with mood, temperament, personality, and disposition. The English word 'emotion' is derived from the French word émouvoir. This is based on the Latin emovere, where e- (variant of ex-) means 'out' and movere means 'move'.[1] The related term "motivation" is also derived from movere" I took this from Wikipedia


Thoughts and Feelings have their own vibrations, high and low, depending on the respective thoughts and feelings, and they attract like vibrations like magnets. Emotions on the other hand emit vibrations. Emotions are like pulses of light coming out of your being. Dim or bright depending on what kind of emotions are clumped together.

The total sum of experiences any individual has had will emit a certain pulse. Emotions are "seekers" looking for like vibrations. Your sub-conscious mind will interpret thoughts and feelings as requests, whereas it will interpret emotions as how strong or weak is this request? Do I need to manifest this NOW or later. Emotions are also tied into the amount of belief and Faith a person has in the fact that their requests are already answered, already given. This also determines the speed in which like vibrations are manifested.


In order to change your outer world, you must first change your inner world. Will this happen overnight? Most likely not, but it's possible. In reading both your posts, I saw immediately the low vibrational words you used to describe your respective experiences.

devastated
unbalanced energy
Frustration
bad neighborhoods

Struggling
Aggressive
Low Self Esteem
Short tempered
Scary
dislike
lack of respect

One spoken or written word equals 1000 in thought form. This means you have been creating in your innerworld a vibration that is not very constructive or desirable in your outerworld. What you are giving is not what you want to receive.

NOW, begin to focus on Higher finer vibrational thoughts and feelings as often as possible throughout the day, for just one of these will wipe out a million negative thoughts just as effortlessly as turning on the closet light wipes out darkness!

I highly recommend focusing on Feelings of Gratitude, but also visualizing with your mind on Clear, Brilliant, White Light if you don't have an idea what else to do in the moment. This is challenging at first but the more you practice focusing on empowering thoughts, feelings and emotions the easier it becomes, and experiences begin to change effortlessly into extremely desirous ones. You will begin to be inspired more and more often into taking action that will bring more good things into your life. You will be "shown the way" with a greater sense of peace and calm.

You will begin with noticing much more going around you than meets the eye. You will more often attract great people, books, CEM, Paths, etc, and experiences of all kinds.


So fear NOTHING, No-thing in your outer world has any power over your inner world, and your inner world is what creates your outer. This Truth will set you Free!

I am happy to make CEM corrections, but you also must take action. You must work as hard as you can, in focusing your thoughts, feelings and emotions into Harmony. Focus your Minds on creating beautiful music. (a beautiful outer world)

Never be afraid of anything going wrong. Fear (illusion) is just the slowest vibration of Love. Gratitude is the finest vibration next to Love. Remember this Truth! You are Love Giving AND You are Gratitude Receiving. You are not your physical body, it is the body/temple that allows God to express Love!

The only way to connect with God is via your MIND. Thinking creates because your mind is ONE with Divine Mind. Thinking is work, and this work is what you are giving to the world. You are serving the world by thinking correctly, Positively, constructively, courageously, passionately, kindly, lovingly, and above all truthfully. The absolute Truth is that everything is Perfect, because everything is Love. See past illusion to the Truth, and you will see perfection. YOU Nancy and Cass are Perfection!!





Pamela Sweda's Newest Work of Art "Honoring a Master" this inspires PERFECTION!

[heat_georgia]

Yay!!!!

GRACE....
LOVE LOVE LOVE your post!!!!!
Looks like you had an awesome time!!!
You are an inspiration to us all!!!
LOVE HEATHER

[Pamela Vicik-Smith]

Sweet Grace ~

You had posted a while ago that you would be sharing something with us soon that would be exciting and thrilling. I have been checking this thread almost daily waiting for it to appear. Today I was rewarded

Thanks so much for your enlightened thoughts that make such perfect sense. It is so simple, isn't it? Feelings of gratitude and love are all we need to experience in order to attract everything we want into our lives.

I am so happy for you that you are living the life of your dreams. And I am so happy for the rest of us that we attracted you into our lives.

[future pather]

Gracie,

Thanks for sharing!!!

I love the pics

F R E E D O M

XOXOXOXO Jessica

[ImBill]

Congratulations, Grace! Way to go! Thanks for the message, too!

[Grace]

For All!


Here I am in one of the classes for High ranking Black Belts 3rd degree and above, during the week before the tournament.


Here I am with My Son Ryan to my Left(who is also a Black Belt in Uechi Ryu and competed in the tournament, and to my Right is Sebastian from Argentina who won Grand Champion for Male Kobudo (weapons) This was taken at the Saturday night Sayonara Banquet. Over 500 people in attendance, and it was very hard to say goodbye to all of the out of towners.



I won a Silver Medal for Kumite (Sparring) at the 3rd Uechi Ryu World Cup for Peace. It was an amazing experience and one which always makes me Love Karate all the more. When Paths created the Martial Arts Module, I knew that I would benefit greatly from it, I just didn't know how it would manifest. Paths also asked me to send in instructions for the Martial Arts Module, which I gladly did.

Winning to me is not about the medals, although having them to look at brings back superb memories. In this important Tournament, I noticed a calm I had never noticed before competition. This calmness allowed me to experience my feelings as I moved. In other words I was experiencing my Soul, my sub-conscious vibrations, even while I was moving very quickly. I was very much in the present, and the feeling of time slowing down was throughout all my movements not just fleeting moments. I knew I had the ability to now experience what was going on "within" me while in motion. This was an extremely liberating feeling, and what I was referring to earlier concerning "True Freedom"! What was interesting is that I did not have a care in the world, and so was not thinking about the points I was scoring, or anything at all, except for what I was feeling. I was feeling happy and free. With each error I made while competing, I quickly felt almost at the same time, the vibration (feeling) that attracted the error, which allowed me to correct the issue with CEM even as I was sparring!

Being on the Martial Arts Module gave me a greater sense of Freedom than ever before, and what I sensed when I began writing the Martial Arts instructions in the beginning of May 2009 for Paths. Once I began viewing the Paths Martial Arts Module, I felt an eagerness for more Freedom. This is also why I made the CEM corrections per your requests these weeks before and after this tournament, but I did not reply or post as often as I was use to. I wanted to focus on being free in every moment to do as I truly desired. In this very important Tournament, I can't say I won Double Gold, or Grand Championship as I have done in the past, but I can say that I gained in a way that I never would have imagined. I gained TRUE FREEDOM!

During this same time, I was also reviewing in my mind the past 2 1/2 years of my life. From January 2007 to now, August 2009. I realized that being on Paths, starting this CEM thread (thank you Aaron) and enjoying my Karate as never before, was all due to removing my focus from fear based thoughts to Gratitude based thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It did not happen over night, but when I began focusing more than ever on Gratitude, in Jan of 2007 I pulled in a quick succession of Great experiences. One of them being Paths, and hence all of YOU! The amount of Gratitude I focused on in early 2007 is likened to, spending 10 minutes everyday focused on Gratitude, and before 2007 I only felt gratitude and gave thanks for gifts and outer experiences. Now (due to the Paths Modules, CEM, Karate, and re-reading great books) I am able to Focus on Gratitude minimum 3 hours a day, and I will not stop focusing on what I desire with immense feelings of Gratitude until I can do this in Every moment!!

Now there is more to it than just focusing on Gratitude in order to have True Freedom and hence real Peace, Health, Wealth, and undonditional Love. True Freedom, is knowing (the knowledge of the Truth that will set you FREE) that there is nothing BUT LOVE AND GRATITUDE. Also known as Giving and Receiving, emitting and attracting, or the most accurate scientifically, Infinite potential and Energy.

The greatest feeling next to Love is Gratitude, the greatest feeling next to giving is receiving. The greatest feeling next to emitting is attracting. (The word experience can be inter-changed for Feeling here too). The expression or extension of Infinite Potential (God) is Light and the expression or projection of the Light is Energy. In this Illusory Dualistic Universe of ours, we feel, see, and experience this Light as Energy. Why Illusory? In between the spaces of Energy is Infinite Potential. Infinite Potential (Supreme God Consciousness), or the Substance that holds all energy together in it's many illusory forms, is the TRUTH, and the perception of Separation from Infinite Potential is illusion.

Light, being an extension of Supreme Consciousness, is also Consciousness. Light (Christ Consciousness) projects out as Energy. Supreme Consciousness is No-Mind. Christ Consciousness is Still-Mind, and Energy Consciousness is E-Motion (energy in motion), or the Active Mind. The product of Energy Consciousness is THOUGHT! Thought is Energy in Motion (Creation). Energy in Motion has infinite levels of vibrations, hence infinite creations in this illusory, Dualistic Universe of ours. You, Me, the Tree for a few examples. The color white vibrates differently than the color purple. The feeling of Fear vibrates differently than the feeling of Gratitude. We all know what these two feel like.

Thinking creates, but what it creates depends on the vibration (movement) of the thought. The thought needs to be of a certain vibration (seed) to produce a desirable result (bear fruit). To us vibration is Feeling! What you Focus on, Expands. Our Conscious Mind, the awakened aware mind, is connected to the whole by the Sub-conscious mind, which we also call our individual Souls. We create by coupling our thoughts with feelings in order to attract like vibrations. This is why feelings are the language of the Soul. Feelings are what the Sub-Conscious Mind understands. Thoughts are only part of the request, and the part that the Sub-Conscious accepts as "seeds". The Soul aka Sub-conscious mind is what handles everything for us like a Genie in a bottle. The sub-conscious mind is non-judgmental. It takes care of your internal bodily functions according to the vibration you feed it. A healthy, wealthy Body corresponds only to thoughts, feelings, and emotions of health and wealth. A sick, poor body corresponds to thoughts, feelings, and emotions of dis-ease and lack.

Our bodies ARE temples (bottles) and our thought vibrations are our requests via feelings to our sub-conscious mind, our very own Genie which will manifest/attract/create what corresponds or resonates with each vibration. Our Fruit tree can only bear fruit if we nurture it with water, or feelings. Feelings have to flow, and for them to flow they need to move. Vibration is movement, and movement is nurturing and constructive, while non-movement stagnates and blocks.

Thought is energy, and energy takes form according to it's vibration. What you are thinking habitually, with feeling, gets planted into the sub-conscious mind as a habit. This Habit depending on it's vibrational state will produce like matter. You will attract what you are vibrationally "BEING". Fear is nothing more than a slowed down vibration of Love! This is why all there is, is Love. The flip side of Fear is Love. Fear is you forgetting you can vibrate at a higher finer level of Love! Now this is something to be immensely, deeply and reverently Grateful for!! Another thing to be grateful for, is knowing that all there is, is Love! Everything you can imagine has already been created, because all there is, is Love! Now, what form/matter do you desire Love to manifest for you? Think and visualize your joyous ideal situation, and empower this ideal with feelings of Gratitude as if you have already been given that which you see in your Mind, and let your Soul (sub-conscious) do the rest!

Thought plus Feeling produces Emotion. Energy in Motion emits, and like a magnet attracts like matter. You are a Light body, a Vibrational Being. You are a Human Being, not a Human doing. Focus your Mind on thoughts and Feelings that are High Vibrational thoughts, and you will be in Harmony! You You will attract your ideal and when it manifests you can begin anew with a greater Ideal. Harmony leads to happiness on all levels. Know what you are Being (know thyself), the moment you catch yourself out of Harmony, Focus on Gratitude, and or Love and Light.

Thinking is Giving, and Feeling is Recieving. What you Give is what you Get!! I am not saying lay in bed all day and think, I am saying as you go about doing what you normally do, keep a mind picture of your ideal which always includes health, wealth and Love, and FEEL Gratitude because you KNOW it has already been created for you. This is True Freedom. This is Peace. Nothing can be kept from you when you focus your mind on what you desire, and embrace it with Feelings of Gratitude, and have complete Faith that it has already been created for you. The more you practice focusing your mind, the easier it will become. Whether it takes a moment or 10 years does not matter, feeling Gratitude creates Harmony, and the feeling of Harmony is Happiness. Happiness alone is worth its weight in Gold.

Take quiet time (start with a minute) as often as you can each day to think and visualize your ideal life, keep adding to it every time you picture it, make it very clear in your minds eye, but always remember to FEEL Grateful for the fact that it has already been created for you. Freedom is knowing that YOU are creating in every moment by what you are BEING or vibrating at, and that you have a choice to vibrate low or high in every moment. Freedom is knowing that when you catch yourself vibrating low, that you can "flip" the switch with Gratitude, and or Love and Light and vibrate high again.

In reading all your posts, I feel that this will answer most of them. I will be back to finish posting individually to a couple of you. Know that I am truly grateful for all your loving words, and loving thoughts you share here, and how much you give to me and each other. When I tune into this Thread I feel so happy and grateful for having all of you in my life.

[Adrienne]

corrections please

good morning Grace..
could you please do some corrections for my endocrine system... and adrenal glands...
i feel as though i have been woeking so hard on myself that i have taxed them out.. i am exausted...
and i am having many symtoms of that...
I think it would be useful to take a leave from work and replenish myself as i have been stressed for ages..
emotional work... which is starting to show in my body...
so i would be most appreciative of some corrections... and some corrections that all will go well when i see the doctor today...
cuz as i have been reading... adrenal exauhstion is not a hugely reconized thing in the medical proffession...
thank you...
so i pray for his support...
love and light
Adrienne
honestly i could really use a break from this rat race i am in.. i really want to be able to step back and take the time to care for myself..

[heat_georgia]

hi all...

Thanks
Sally Jane... yes, like i mentioned i have done about 8 years of work on myself, and understand the concepts that we all speak of here, on this forum... like being happy and loving on the inside... and all the externals are basically a reflection of what is going on inside. change your thoughts and change the outer... and stuff like that.... but somehow... i realize that i still dont love and accept myself, i still beat myself up mentally and emotionally, i still compare myself to others. i still feel like something is wrong with me.... you get the idea. and while... living in a mcdonalds society...i guess I have just grown impatient with the process... and i want everything now... and i know that once you have the things you thought you wanted, you will still want more. I guess basically I wanna be happy, and laugh more, I would like to feel freedom and security.
for example... before i met this last guy... i thought that I had grown and matured, and had learned the difference between unconditional love, and obsessive attachment love. i felt so wonderful, and then i fall for a man, and i find myself going right back to those old behaviors.... and then beating myself up for not being over my issues, and thinking why i'm still creating from my old believes. its torture sometimes. but like i said... i have to just keep moving forward as best i can. i wish i could just wave a magic wand over myself that would heal me of all wounds, issues, dysfunctions, but that is just impatience on my part.....i guess.
thanks for your post. : )
much love
heather

Adrienne...
Thanks for your posts...
Yes, we can really relate on many things. I understand where you are coming from. I don't feel quite so bad about my job, but I almost ran out of my job twice last week. I wait tables at a family owned restaurant, and they left me there two different times alone last week. Its not as hard to manage as it sounds but for example your waiting on people, some people need their check, some people need their food, some people want to sit down at tables that are still dirty from previous customers, the phone is ringing, someone is waiting for their to go order.... blah blah blah.... and i almost left.

And with the man situation, I too made him into something that he couldnt be... i thought i knew who is was after the short time that it took for me to convince myself that I had found "the one" it was just so beautiful and so wonderful, and then when things started going wrong, I didnt want to admit it to myself. I just kept thinking that he could change back to who I thought/wanted him to be. It was very sad, but I just kept putting soooo much energy into it. To be honest I'm still a little sad, but trying to get over it.
Sometimes the flood gates open, and its a good thing. Almost like a break through. I understand how you feel. Thank you soo much for post!!!!

much love!!!!
heather

[Adrienne]

flood gate have opened..

the job:
i go to work and feel like i am not liked....
it is very uncomfortable to be their...
i know some like me and others don't and i am allowing the coworkers who don't like me to affect me.. i am not good at standing up for myself...
i leave work and come home and cry.. i sometime cry befor going and sometimes cry at lunchtime..
i want to quit almost evreyday i am done..
and am also looking at a medical leave/stress leave..
i know i have the toolslike the ho'oponopono, and sending love..
and i read osme good things about sending love when one feels they can't..
i did this today, but feel like i am gonna lose it at work.. and withdraw and feel timid and paralyzed to speak my truth and voice my objections to atitudes i get towards me...
i end up feeling spiteful and want to act accordingly...
feeling trapped and restraind within my own chains..
this has been a pattern with me for my whole life...
just needed to get this out....

the child:
my son is goona go for observation at a centre that deals with attachment issues... they use that approach which is awesome...
and yet this is alot of what i have struggled with in my life...
this scares me...
i have to let go.. let god...
this tests strong...
my ego has been so involved in MAKING thing different for my sonm then me, that i have created the exact same as i have experienced (well similar)
my son is gone at his dads and has been gone for 4 weeks
and probably 2 more...

ME:
have been feeling how lonely and empty i have been feeling deep deep deep down under all the illusionary stuff...
the emptiness comes from shutting myself off form light, and knowing only lack of light...
shuttingmyself off from love ,and knowing only the feeling lack of love
not that ligth or love haven't been all around me.. but the letting it in...
the allowing....
accepting how wounderful i am , and how lovavable i am .
thats the peice that seems to stil elude me often and where there is no love their is pain...
where their is no light their is dark....
you know i realized (again, but deeper) how closed i am to letting it in... a cat came up to me outside, and when it brushed up against me i cried...
i get so wound up , and so tightly, that ntohing can get in.... this sucks...
how do i stop winding myself up so closed and so tight??
i ask this of the universe and of god.. and of my higher self... all is one... whatever works for me in that moment..

ok, enough for now...
sleep well...
night

adrienne

[Adrienne]

hi,

wow, thanks Georgia heat for sharing your feelings and what you are experiencing...
oh boy, well i can relate alot to what you are sharing, and have so much to say on all of it and some...

to start: looking outside myself for making me ok... well i am gonna be 33 tomorrow and this is making me look at my life.. and what i expected, what i thought it should look like... and what it is..
hmmmmm, well about five weeks ago my boyfriend split up.. and i have been heart broken ever since... although better now.. more heart broken cuz i thought it was gonna be something different then it was... i had huge expectations..
i went through periods where i would hope it would soon change and that he would be who i needed him to be (after we were split) and today for as far as i have come i was able to allow myself to feel the feelings around that, and let it go.. i felt like a little child and that my whole world was ending.. however it really was momentarily... or for however long the feelings would last.... and yes it came in layers...
not a child in a negative way, but like a child who wants something so bad and doesn't understand why they can't have it... and their feeling are hurt because of that..
The key to unlocking the door is in the feelings..

on this note, i find myself in a bit of a dilema.. i have 6 days off and had planned to go camping, but my truck needs repair. so now my ex has offered to come pick me up! i am torn cuz i am still really angry at him (really at me) fro not bring that man i saw in my head!!!
which really was a reflection/mirror for me!!!
and i am good to go if i can drive myself!!
but to rely on him.. and not be able to leave when i want to ... feels like torture..
but....
this campout would be fun... and i soo need fun in my life... man i lack fun in my life...
i guess i am resisting the emotional peice that will come with seeing him... cuz OMG i love him... my heart is so open to him in the way that i think i would fall for anything he would throw myway... and this comes to the place thats a mirror for me.. i broke up with him cuz he was emotionally unavailable... (in short) but really it has nothing to do with him.. cuz this is seeing me... and many other things too...
bla, bla, bla...
so since the break up i have been in a deep state of grief of mostly things clearing that surfaced from this experience... about everything that the pattern touches in my life.
all good, i am amazed at what is showingup within me and then being released!! it seems slow, yet in truth it is faster then anyone i know...
it has been intense...
and so powerful...
hmmmmmmmm...
i too geaorgia would hang on for so long... and even years later from a short encounter with a man would still have an emotionjal attachement...
....
so this whole being 33 tommorow and the biological clock ticking... well... ??? what clock, time doesn't exist as we know it anyhow...
however my small self/ego... likes to convince me that i had to have things and be things to be happy...

"From my perspective, it just seems like maybe you are putting all these conditions on yourself that HAVE to be fulfilled before you can be happy or that you can't be happy until such and such happens. I could be all wet, too."
IMbill wrote this and you know till i read this i didn't actually realize this about me, and boy oh boy...
.. for me this fits, so thank you..
i think at times i saw this in me, then of course forgot it again...
its funny though cuz.. i am at a job that i see nothing but negativity at...
my coworkers are eating me alive it feels..
and so i have been applying casually for other jobs, and doing a career search "what would it look like if i did something i actually liked"
although this can be debated cuz i like the work.. but it does get boring when their are no customers.. and everyone goes in to boredom mode with gossip and clickiness.. and *****iness...anyhow..
been really lookin to see what is being mirrored to me here...
soooooo, being 33 i am like geeze.. another gratefully crappy job.. or perhaps something of my pick!!
so not sure where this will lead and infact it doesn't seem to test to strong!! but i feel like i have to do somehting or i'll go nuts...
honestly did i meantion at the beginning of this post that i am losing it? cuz i do feel like it...

i was speaking of how my very uncomfortable relationships with my coworkers is like being skinned alive....
funny really.. cuz it takes me back to all the repressed emotion from my school days...
funny how when we felt nothing for so many yrs.. or not nothing.. but supressed so much that it drove us in everywhich way but where we actually wanted to go...

Sooooo, more deep layers of self worth show up.... and i am and am not suprised...
please could you do corrections for me grace where ever it shows up the strongest...
I also need to open my heart and be my own best frined... and gods friend and ALLOW GOD TO BE MY FRIEND, CUZ LIKE A PUPPY DOG ... GOD WAITS TILL WE WILL ALLOW HIM TOO...
so boy oh boy .. slowly and not so surely i consider the possibilities....
anyhow...
this is kind of completely where i am at... i have faiht, today i don't feel like dying, although i feel like i am dying often enough....
today.. i have faith and i must have patience cuz i wait patiently and sometimes not so patiently for this to pass, cuz it willl....
knowing when i look to find a reprieve form my discomfort.. it is inside of me, not outside of me....
so i pray and end up waiting some more....

Hey, Georgia.... i often think about moving too, and man oh man.. i will go where ever i go...
ok.. will go for now....
in short.. alot of shifting and change happeing...
those divine opeings have kicked my ass...
love
Adrienne

[zartgirl]

Heather

Heather,
As I read your post what came to my mind is that you are looking outside of yourself for happiness. It is not really where you live or what you do or who you are with. It is about opening your heart and accepting yourself for who you really are. It is about remembering who you are and that you are the creator of everything that is in your life.

What I have and am still learning is that in order to get the outer stuff we want we have to do the work on the inside. In other words we have to learn to live where we are with JOY and then we are ready to move to the next level or into the outside stuff. We have to learn to live within ourselves and then the outside stuff will come to us.

If we resist the growth that is needed on the inside then we stay in the pain. We have to learn/remember the lessons and then we can move on.

Look at the things that you want on the outside and ask yourself what is the essence of those things that you want? In other words what would those things give you that you are really looking for? For instance, for me abundance means "Freedom" to me. What does a relationship mean to you? What does the family mean? What internally will that give you? Once you figure that out and you achieve that internally then you will naturally attract it externally to yourself!

What you are searching for is already with in you... Once you see that you will find it on the outside of you! Look within, and you will find it with out of you!

Blessings Sallyjane

[heat_georgia]

thanks imbill

yeah... I think you are right.

i need to love myself more and be happy on my own. I guess I just compare myself to others sometimes, and feel like i should be further along in life. i get bogged down easily.... instead of just moving foward.

i just keep trying to remind myself to have graditude!!!!!
: )
thanks
heather