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Old 12-17-2008, 10:09 AM
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illusions illusions is offline
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The Truth about "Feeling Sorry for Yourself"...

Most of us (as far as I know) are raised with the belief that it is selfish and "wrong" to "feel sorry for yourself" - we're programmed with "Stop feeling sorry for yourself..." - and the idea of feeling sorry for yourself becomes confused and enmeshed with "wallowing" and negativity... but there is a Very Important difference....

As we know, our feelings are our Guidance System.

When experiencing hurt, anger, frustration, sorrow, depression, dissapointment....etc. there is a natural urge which leads towards healing. If we were to "go with the flow" on feelings alone, most of us would probably feel really sorry for ourselves for a while, comfort ourselves, and then, find ways to feel better, and eventually get back into the game.

* A person who has been programmed against "feeling sorry for myself" will generally fight the natural urge to be compassionate with themselves, and will probably treat themselves in the same way as(and sometimes worse than) they were treated by whoever taught them this belief. And many others who have been programmed with this belief will rebel against it despite the belief.... and this comes out in complaining, and seeking acknowledgement and sympathy from others. It can also fester and become agression, resentment... and of course a variety of other symptoms.

That person will take much longer to heal (if they do at all) than someone who feels sorry for themselves until they feel better.

* There is a fear that feeling sorry for yourself is quicksand and that once you step into that mode, you're not going to come out of it again. But that is called dispondency, not "feeling sorry for yourself". And if you do a Good job of feeling sorry for yourself (as described below), dispondency is not on the menu!

If someone you love is physically hurt, it's highly unlikely you'd have no sympathy or compassion for them and that you'd push them and force them to keep going and ignore their cries of pain. You'd probably look after them, treat them kindly and compassionately, encourage them to rest, maybe even spoil them a little, and do what you could to make them feel better and to speed their healing.

And yet we usually don't treat our own emotional, mental and spiritual pain and healing in the same way.

These are the fastest, most effective steps to aid healing (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual):

1. Feel sorry for yourself - meaning a combination of Compassion and Acknowledgement.

2. Treat yourself as you would a loved one who is recovering from surgery.

3. Do whatever feels good in the moment, no matter how "self indulgent" - it is part of your treatment and it will speed up your healing.

4. Follow what feels good in the moment. If you follow what feels good in the moment, you will come through the self pity, move into self comforting, move on to indulgence, and then to inspiration and finally back to action. And it's important to let each stage play through fully until you naturally and automatically find yourself in the next one. As long as you're following what feels good in the moment, you can't go wrong, and you will not stay in any one state indefinitely.

So, go ahead and feel sorry for yourself! Give yourself permission. It's giving yourself a soft place to fall before you rest, recover and get up again.

Love and Light and Magic xxx
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Old 12-17-2008, 11:10 AM
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Sunshine Sunshine is offline
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Hi Illusions

What you say is brilliant!

Just reading the title of the post before I'd even read what you were saying immediately and automatically brought up my old programming and messages of it's wrong and you SHOULDN'T feel sorry for yourself. "Snap out of it". "Get on with it". "Look at all the good things you've got". "Others are in a worse situation than you". "Things will get better". "People won't like you if you moan or are negative". etc etc And the feeling of there being a time limit on your feelings. Ie. it's ok to feel sorry for yourself for a day or a week or whatever but anything beyond that isn't ok. By then you should be getting over or on with things. And then there's the people who say that you get what you attract so if you're feeling sorry for yourself and looking at negatives or feeling angry, hurt, depressed etc you'll just create more of the same. So what happens? Not only do you have the original feelings but you then feel guilty about having them and so you're further than ever from allowing them to just be. And if you're not allowed to feel sorry for yourself, if your feelings go unacknowledged then you are quite right, they will fester. Like you describe or they will be stuffed inside and not allowed to exist and that can cause all sorts of problems. I think it's when emotions get stuck and aren't allowed that things get very painful and instead of having a little spot to squeeze you get this huge nasty carbuncle that takes a lot of work to heal and is all red and sore with gunk coming out. So yes, it's good to know that it's ok to feel sorry for yourself and is actually a good thing. And that acknowledgement and compassion are the first steps to feeling better. Having respect for how you are feeling and being allowed to feel sorrow, anger, disappointment, fear, envy, grief, loneliness - whatever. The hard bit is trusting that you will come through the "negative" feelings. That you will progress and not get stuck. So for anyone with strong programming on "feeling sorry for yourself" what you say is very helpful.



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Old 12-17-2008, 12:35 PM
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wpage wpage is offline
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Body message

This is interesting. The response of tiredness to human events in ones life should not be judged by others...

Unless its a "clinical type of episode"

Go with bodys tide. It ebs and flows with ones life cycles

Take that nap
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Old 12-20-2008, 02:00 PM
bmlyeryk bmlyeryk is offline
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i dont understand how this makes any sense

i constantly feel sorry for myself, but i also have millions of negative thoughts everyday & it hinders me from trying to get better
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Old 12-20-2008, 05:33 PM
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illusions illusions is offline
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Hi Bmlyeryk

Before I can answer your question, I need to ask you a couple of questions:

* When you're "feeling sorry for yourself", what do you tell yourself about the fact that you're feeling sorry for yourself? How do you feel about feeling sorry for yourself?

* What do you do when you feel sorry for yourself? What do you do physically during that time, and what do you feel?

Love and Light and Magic xxx
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