Thank you Grace and Maggie!!!! Maggie I love your poem! I think I will have to figure out a way to post it here in my room so I can read it everyday! How awesome is that! As I was reading it, the thought entered my head that I need to start writing again... I use to write really cool short stories as gifts to people I knew... Hmmmm... I guess I will have to start doing that again...

Grace thank you so much for being such an encourager to me! Well all of you have been huge encouragements to me! I tell you though when I got the visual of God being inbetween the physical matter in ME... I have to tell you it was soooo powerful! What an eye opener! I am such a visual person, that until an idea turns into a picture it can not sink in! For me, even doing Math problems... I transfer the problem into a visual and then solve it and transfer it back!

Big HUG
zartgirl Sallyjane

WAY COOOOL! Maggie! Love it!!!!

Zartgirl Sj

Hi Maggie,

Thank you for both of those powerful poems...I sat here reading them aloud and imagined a book with your poems and some of the incredibloe photography and artwork thathas emerged in this thread.

Wow. Heady stuff, these imaginings!

You are a powerful creator, babe! Such nice work.

Cheeky You are amazing!!!

Blessings with Aloha
Keoi

ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS MAGGIE!!!

HI,
Well, i am awake at 6:00am cuz my son is sick and woke up coughing.... chest cold and the first thoughts that come to me are ****... this is gonna affect ME as in Adrienne.

cuz now i have to stay home from work and take care of him... and my logic is "if things could just run smoothly and i can keep it together and nothing interfers with that"

Like as if it dictates who i am, if i can meet the needs of my employer ...just to keep them happy with me (very negative, guilting invironment... as well as if ya are there for them the way they need you to be then they like you...)

It's like i am always waiting and chasing that moment where things will be, OK and fit this picture i have in my head.... logically I know this ain't a reality that exisits.. but GOD, i find myself going back to that thinking Again and again and again... it's driving me nuts... it is an illusion that if things run smoothly that i'll be secure...
I am becoming very aware of how i have my sense of security wrapped up in my job, money, relationships, family... those are the things that are becoming apparent to me in a huge way...

I have recently attracted this women into my life who said to me "adrienne your trying sooo hard" and that is really popping up for me all over now... i am trying so hard to be perfect and good... WHY? ...if i am already these things...??

And it is proving to be challenging me hardcore....

i am always trying sooo hard to be liked, to be loved, to be wanted... so many things, approved of, accepted...
and usually when stuff like this happens with ups and downs of life... i bear it and get back in the saddle again...
but what freakin saddle???

It's like i'm trying to freakin fit....


Maggie that is an amazing poem about "inbetween"
I cried....
It's like i keep trying to manage and manipulate things to work, instead of allowing them to work out the way they are supposed too..

and through all of this... my left side of my back, hips
and shoulder have been sooooo tight and painful... I am taking pain killers again... mostly when i sleep...

I have really noticed too that I have been beating the crap out of myself... really hard on myself...neglecting myself, Not nice to myself at all... Freakin punishing myself....
I have been contemplating the Ho'Oponopono modual.. and also making excuses for why not now....cuz my life needs to be able to handle it... lol, Ya right...
I have heard that sometimes our lives have to fall apart so that it can be put back together the way it is intended to be, instead of what i may have tried to make it be...
And yes I am venting, but also crying out to the universe....HELP ME...
And this is not meant to be a whining session either....

I was doing some focused, being the silence meditation/work (it takes work for me) Some may know it as the process from busting loose.... this is what came up for me.
I have so often if not almost always been dishonest and closed, cuz I am terrified of being seen....MUST HIDE at all costs, so in doing this process and staying with me I really felt this stuff.... not sure if i'm getting across what i am trying to share....
perhaps more awareness of how I isolate, withdraw, act like i know it all kind of stuff.

I think in short....letting go, trust, knowing nothing, getting out of the way.... will free me.... as they also piss me off... cuz i have so many beliefs around how things should be... and how trusting know one is the #1 rule to survive...so therefor know one can see the real me...
logically, like in my head , i get that this is useless.. but it hasn't gotten to my heart or wherever that place is that really gets it and beleives it.

BTW, I love my son so much I really don't mind taking care of him, it's just being a single mom, I am expexted to do it all....
And then the pressure of ok, do i leave him home alone while he's sick and then he doesnn't take care of himself, but now i have the money to pay rent and buy groceries or do i stay home and have no idea how i am gonna put food on the table......and the list can go on, with how (depending on what choice i make..) things could go...

BTW, i am staying home to love and teach my child.... but am left feeling really insecure about things... and then i am angry inside... and sure he gets the impression it's his fault....

And perhaps this is where i try to hard....

I think it would be also benificial to go onto the syncronicity modual too for me..... i was a test subject for that one and WOW, it was great and i was in the momnet alot....

One more thing... It has been a common practice for me in my life to run to someone to make decisions for me... or i'd always run to someone for answers instead of looking within or trusting myself.... and lately i have started to stop myself and look within... take the chance of making my own decision instead of feeling like the puppet of others or the herd... it's kind of scary and cool all at the same time.... and i have no idea what will happen either, when i listen the best i can to what is being said inside me...

Thanks for taking the time for reading my minnie book i just wrote...

peace and gratitude.. Adrienne

Good morning Adrienne! Big HUG to start off with!

As I was reading your post, the thought that kept coming back to me was that the Ho Oponopono might really help! Forgiveness is a huge in whatever journey you are on. It is hard to trust yourself if you have not forgiven yourself! You also will have a hard time trusting others if you have not forgiven others in your life. They do not even have to be the same people... Forgiveness is more about ME than it is about the person out there that I am forigiving. Ah yea it is nice to have someone forgive us for some transgression we have done against them... But really most people do not even know that they have transgressed us, and then there is the whole thing where we created them and they read our scripts... so who are we really forgiving? When you forgive someone or yourself a healing takes place!!! I believe that most Cancer and other diseases are caused by bitterness and unforgiveness! So by living out forgiveness we live out health and well being.

Trust your instinct about starting the Ho Oponopono module, and discount the minds attempt to stop you from what your spirit knows you need. Hmmmmm... I believe Grace has told me this before LOL... It is a journey in and of itself to trust your spirit and turn off the mind that wants to keep control of you.

Love and Gratitude zartgirl Sallyjane
P.S. I have been on the Ho Oponopono for a week and it is wonderful! I am starting to already see little changes! I am going to listen to it again today!!!!

hello/good morning...

OK, early in the AM and i am experiencing muscle spasms.... another layer i suspect, but i can't sleep and i have been playing with Matrix (M.E) and can't seem so get it to do anything..... not with me, but it feels like i am unable to detatch from expectation/outcome of results... I hurt really bad right now... I'd really apreciate the attention to my back, left side left hip, left shoulder, and up the spine.... who knows which side of the spine as it seems to usually be the opposite in a chiropractors office....

I am pretty sure i am carrying emotion in the muscles and am very tense....
Have discovered this ability to lessen pain with my hands through source energy too... but i think cu z it hurts so much, it's hard to detatch .....

Anyways i am feeling better too from yesterday, and thanks for CEM that was done cuz i could feel it yesterday as i was on the comp a while after i had posted...

oooooooooo, i just noticed that all the muscles around my rib cage are really tight too....

I find it helpful to share my distress, so thanks to the universe for this forum, cuz it was helpful to post....

I want to sleeeeeeeeeeeep.....

I had to stay home for a reason yesterday, cuz my ES had other plans for me... I just about sold my truck. I say it that way cuz it wasn't even about the truck ...which BTW failed the inspection, but it was about meetingthis amazing woman.... Wow, and she actually seemed excited about what i had to say (cuz alot will think i am nuts...lol)
and she had greta energy.... and i went from chaos and feeling hopeless and lost... to laughing my but off with a friend and just high on life.... No not mood swing but a shift... I did ME on my friend and she was laughing on my kitchen floor (dolphins) seeing everything in grids...It was great....
I got a taste of the power of now and no not the book... but the realness of what that means... although i am sure i have a ways togo, but i think i got out of the way, was able to let go, turst and be in the moment... that is powerful...
And I pretty much laughed through the whole session too.... i have to say that to date this my most powerful one
Although i didn't really do anything... and I DIDN'T TRY THAT HARD EITHER... or too hard.

OK, sorry for infiltrating the CEM thread with ME...but i was here in desperation yesterday and now wanted to share my joy....
I will aolso be off of work till friday now..... which is ok, still have the concerns, but It is in the bosses hands (gods)
soooo, gonna be home and have to resort to doctors too, with my son.... he had a fever tonight and his throught (tonsles maybe) are swollen... and this real nasty cough...
acceptance I guess... maybe i am too close to us to let go of the desired outcome... who knows....thanks
don't know what else to do...and he don't let me touch him with any healing stuff....

OK, thanks and I appreciate this place even if i am not all faithful on reading and posting.....

Love and Light....Adrienne

Thank you Grace,
I feel that others are feeling this way too....
I am on the ho"opnonpono mod, money mindset, self-esteem and confidence booster and the syncronicity mod...

I am curently focusing on manifesting the cash to me for a second theater presentation... yet not trying to hard.. just allowing it to be, cuz it will be if it is meant to be....

I can really feel things moving around me.. and thanks for the corrections.... not sure if it was that or the Ibuprofen i took this morning... but i slept....
And I agree with you .... that my trying so hard is about the outisde world.

I think it is sinking about this power i have.... like how i am this power... didn't really think of it that way, but it makes sense....

I did finally wake up for the day and was feeling down and discouraged again... and it's OMG... have to stop and go into the silence where i can connect with the power/my power.... connect with my feelings....
was just reading CWG3 and it was taking about how feelings are the language of the soul... and that is how HEB'S communicate..... something along those lines...
And it is I beleive what was opened up in me in hawaii.... the doorway to my feelings, so i could feel.... not just be driven by this icky feeling in my gut....

Anyways i didn't stop to go into the silence yet, but am glad i came here to check my posts, cuz this brought me back to me... the within,
and yes the focusing everymoment on who i really am is a challenge, cuz the mind wanders.... yet i am able to do it.

what a beautiful way to describe it. Something happened inside me yesterday and it was beautiful...
Tristan seems to be getting slightly better... but still out of school..... however still a hard cough and a bit feverish...

much Goddess Adriana

I need just a little extra help here...

Serveral little things that I am working on personally...

First of all there is the issue of my sinuses... They are completely plugged up and the likes. I have been using the process from the BL book, as that is the only way I know how to work on things to the point. I am also trying to observe it... Trying not to fight it, but that is really hard and also trying to not talk about it or complain about it... that is really hard too!

Then I am currently working on getting some temp work... Just office type work. They want me to take all these tests. My computer and the tests are fighting each other... I am processing the frustration right now, but could you help me on that level too.

Then of course, I am really trying to stay in the NOW or moment about work, housing, and the rest of that kind of stuff. Also my kids and custody of them!

Thank you so much! Love and Gratitude zartgirl Sallyjane