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| General Discussion Other general discussions on topics not listed above. |
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10-25-2007, 07:55 PM
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TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some. 6) It's OK when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are. 5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy. 4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. 3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning. 2) Less guilt the morning after. AND the No. 1 reason why trick or treating is better than sex - YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!     
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10-26-2007, 03:08 AM
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Hey Jessica!  I never had quite thought of it this way before!! Thanks for the great chuckles and guffahs! 
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10-30-2007, 09:27 PM
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These guys are sooo funny. I had never seen or heard of them before I watched the Letterman show in this first link.
I think Dave introduced them without any reference to them being a comedy act. I just remember watching them without thinking they were anything but a "normal" musical act. By the end of the song I was  YouTube - Flight of The Conchords on Letterman YouTube - Flight Of The Conchords - Bowie Song YouTube - Flight of the Conchords Ep 4 If You're Into It XO Jessica
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11-25-2007, 03:40 PM
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Happy Thanksgiving weekend!!
Obnoxious parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, when the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?" HAPPY THANKSGIVING WEEKEND!!...
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11-25-2007, 05:26 PM
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11-25-2007, 09:51 PM
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Tee Hee! Great one Grace!! 
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11-29-2007, 01:42 AM
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Tee Hee!!!
WHAT A HOOT!! THIS ONE CRACKS ME UP !!! 
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12-01-2007, 03:24 AM
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UCLA study
UCLA STUDY
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire. No further studies are expected.
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12-07-2007, 01:54 PM
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How The Fight Started!
I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car. . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny? Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, which one are you then?' . . . and that's when the fight started . . .
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12-09-2007, 04:51 AM
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I'm the MOM!
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12-11-2007, 12:24 AM
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I can't help it this made me laugh out loud!!
 NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN DAMNITOL Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. EMPTYNESTROGEN Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out! ST. MOMMA'S WORT Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days. PEPTOBIMBO Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception. DUMBEROL When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. FLIPITOR Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. � MENICILLIN Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. ' BUYAGRA Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree. JACKASSPIRIN Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat ANTI-TALKSIDENT A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. � NAGAMENT When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.
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12-11-2007, 01:31 PM
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Nancy, Viv, and Grace,
 but XO Jessica
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12-12-2007, 02:49 AM
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My son Ryan is at it again!!
Another Spoof by my Son Ryan, he he This is his second production for his TV production class at school!!
HALO THREE INTERVIEW!!
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12-14-2007, 04:27 AM
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Ryan Again!
Ryan Beard
12/13/07 Speech Sales Speech – SG 3000 This speech was an assignment given to Ryan for his semester exam. He had to invent an item and try and sell it. ( so read it as if it were an infomercial) It is often said that guys are shallow, insincere and only interested in one thing when it comes to women. This outlandish, unproven, stereotypical conclusion has us guys at a great disadvantage. If you’ve ever been in a serious relationship, you’ll know where I’m coming from. A recent scientific breakthrough in the field of human thought and feeling analysis done by Spike T.V. during a James Bond/ Rocky Marathon has proven this stereotype factually unsound. It is actually the exact opposite; women are the ones with these characteristics. So guys, have you ever been in a serious relationship, only to have it end because your partner didn’t really like you for being you. Or she only wanted you for your body. I know I have. This is why I have spent many hours of hard labor and tedious toiling, working closely with Spike T.V. to create the ultimate handy device for guys. A device that lets you know what they know, a device that tells what women truly think about you. I present you the Smart Guy 3000, Accurate 3000% of the time. This device will let you know the reason a girl is interested in you to let you avoid a dishonest relationship. I had originally struck a deal with Oprah to unveil my gadget live on the show but, guess who all the ticket and stockholders are? Women. They don’t want to let this beast out of the cage. So let me explain. After using the item you will get one of the following results: Swinger, Gold-digger, Rebound, she wants your bod, out of pity, she’s using you to make someone else jealous, and finally she really wants you. From these results you should determine where you want to go from there. There are certain restrictions for this device in which case it may not work. The SG 3000 will not work on other species, prostitutes, strippers, the mentally handicapped, Amazonians, homosexuals and your ex. It is extremely important that you know this device will never work on your mom or your sister. Stepsisters are fair game though. In participating states such as West Virginia, Alabama, Kentucky, and Arkansas the SG 3000 will work on cousins. The device will remain inactive in the event of a one-night stand or if you are in the Playboy mansion. I’d also like to point out that this technology is extremely new and we haven’t been able to work out all the kinks. Over-exposure to the SG 3000 causes some side effects that may include: Oversized ego, Lack of sexual desire, too much sexual desire, an over-dependency, pregnancy, memory loss, and AIDS. It is not recommended that you whip out the SG 3000 at parties and is best used when your woman is sedated. Even with these flaws, don’t forget that its main effect is Love. So, for 2 easy and 1 pain in the ass payment of $99.99 you can receive the Smart Guy 3000 in all its glory. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! If you order one within the next 739 seconds you are guaranteed 1 month free classes at participating Karate Dojos. AND an extra feature that tells your women’s preferable shoe size. Don’t miss out on this incredible opportunity! That’s a $900 value for only 3 payments of $99.99. This item will sell out and we only have a limited quantity so hurry up. Don’t be a hurt guy, BE A SMART GUY. What can I say My son has my same sense of humor!! 
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12-14-2007, 01:51 PM
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Yeah that line made me laugh outload, as well as, "So, for 2 easy and 1 pain in the ass payment of $99.99 you can receive the Smart Guy 3000 in all its glory."
Jessica
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