Well the good news is I have calmed down tonight! I am going to watch my relax module also! You know over the weekend I heard all of you talking about the deserving module and I think I need that one too! The only module I can think of replacing is the goal setting module, but you know that one just might be adding to my stress right now anyways and I have been watching it for awhile... not as long as I should, but right now I think I need the deserving module more. It seems like it would help me get to where I need to get by knowing I deserve to be there, and especially after all I have been through.

Well I have not heard back from the associate pastor yet, but the idea hit me that I should suggest to Keith that we set up a mediation with the Pastor and work out exactly what we should sign and then get it signed immediatley before he can change his mind! I tried to call him at both of his numbers and could not reach him so I am thinking that the Pastors are still talking to him...Either that or he is over at his drinking buddies If that is the case then he will not be home till tomorrow morning. I know that great things await me and I know I do not belong up here, so it will all work out for me. As I was sitting in one of my groups it suddenly hit me that I can contact the agency that handles child support and file with them to start collecting and it will take it out of the divorce case period! Then he won't have a choice in how much or when or how he pays! I think I will wait and see if I can work this out first peacefully, because I do not believe that this is about me and the kids going to Calif but it is about controlling me! He never said he wanted to go to court, he just wants to drag it out with court mediation before he signs! It is about control and money his two most important loves in life!

Hmmm... Sorry if I am going on and on, but I am really trying hard to not talk to the kids about it at all! They do know that their Dad did not keep his promise, but I told them that I am going to try to work it out with him peacefully before I change their schools! I am feeling really calm about this tonight so you all must be doing some serious work on me and the situation! Thank you and big HUGS!

Don't you just love how I am growing in this... I use to freak out and need someone else to calm me down... Now I freak out and with your energies work through it on my own and start to see the right solutions all on my own well through you all !

Blessings Sj Zartgirl