Hello
(Cavaet emptor-this is a long-but hopefully meaningful to some- ramble through my mind.)

You know I may be misreading the non action on this thread-as I have been known to be misperceptionally challenged. This being the case I am still worried that I may have said something, or come off sounding, critical (and/or ignorant) and have single handedly stalled out this thread. If I am wrong I know this comment then flushes out another core misperception... that I am working to release...the classic world revolving around me thing.

I havent really introduced myself here so I guess in reality I am pretty much a stranger in this forum. I have only recently discovered the world of forums and have almost 0 experience participating. I have been quite reluctant to assimilate into the technofrenzy at large...and am only slowly beginging to grow out of a well grooved analog lifestyle.(things Im discovering like PATHS are definately helping me to change my mind...Pun not intentional...my subconcious is so clever. ). I think I am the LSR archtype... (and now its gone.)

This creative thought paradigm is so tricky(case in point)...how to state my challenges in the positive to explain or work on so as to not strenghten that which isnt wanted or working for me???

So wether I am right or wrong in my perception I've decided to begin opening up here. I have been checking out this place for a few months and have recieved sooo much valuable help and links to such interesting "new" info and "healing" modalities. I am hugely greatful. However I havent really grasped or had enough experience -effecting change- to speak with much credability/integrity.

That is one main reason for not chiming in much here. Another is insecurity as I feel much farther back on the scale of this concious evolution or in mastering my thoughts/feelings than most here (However I feel I "get it" on a gut level... that this "stuff" is what I have been about, but have been pushing away ...what I really need is to "do it!") .The main block though, I believe, to my breaking out of this kind of nondoing "suffering stasis" is trust-or the lack of it. Cue the violins...There is some early trama and a pretty huge betrayal when I was young. Leading me to conclude I am better off (safer) alone. I really need to change that. Along with this depression that colors so darkly so much of what I see.

This I am sure sparks the thought in many of you..."he should get on the self esteeeeme and/or mood elevation module!!". Rest assured I have been. This being my 5th month for those two and two others SL1 and Ult. Body. I have knowticed some change(so I havent done the op success add on) but nothing yet to give me the excitement or happiness or hope I hear from most in here. In reading some case studies on the EFT site I'm now thinking that there must be a deeper conclusion I made at some point that gives keeping this "suffering" purpose and meaning... and changing a betrayal of that purpose.

Now that I have broke my silence I may perhaps bring up my experience, so far, in another PATHS related thread. My insecureities got the best of me here though first.

Wholly cow. All this said the Matrix Energetics possibilities did give me a MAJOR boost of hope/excitement.I feel this is where we are all going in our spiritual evolution... I however gave my purchased ticket to the Seattle workshop to my dad as I felt I was too much of a "dull blade" and wouldnt be very effective in my state of mind. I wonder now if that wasnt just another self sabotage choice based on a fear of breaking free. And now I am not so sure my father was any better a tool for this work as I would have been. But then my "vision" is admittedly skewed. Expecially regarding him.

Oooh the negativity.... just deciding to be honest here in all my glaring imperfections-and see what happens. Practicing trust, I guess. I hope I'm not banging my victum gong too loud in all this, thats not my intention. I just wanted to show up "real" here and see the response. I'm not fishing for the pitty thing or "rescuer". I know its all my job really. I just need some help I guess, and am not fond or too good at asking.

So Stephen if you need to log some hours for practice or to prepair for your upcoming practitioner training... I am game. Or anyone else with a pespective boost or experiencial "advice" ...please...I could really use some mental/emotional reinforcements right now.

AND...with my previous comment, all I was trying to say was to try and trust, you are doing it even if its not showing up as we expect when we expect. Learnig to trust it before you see the results seems like a part of it. Something I really need to learn myself in so many areas. With the M.E. package I was not speaking from experience and thus not really speaking my truth. Hopefully this is closer. Otherwise its just a buch of mental jockeying...and whos riding who? I HAVE ordered the book finally.

Thanks for your ears and hearts. In my ignorance/arrogance may I say "please carry on..." I miss the M.E. conversation.... Blake