I am just finding all the corrections and my reading and all the posts and conversations, so absolutely in perfect harmony with this Whole issue of duality and looking outward vs. inward. I have to admit this has been not an easy thing to face off with, but I also know it is what I have been asking for! Does that make sense? I have felt that need to grow or move into this new area of peace in my life. My X really has no power in my life to push buttons anymore, so I needed to bring someone who had an even bigger or longer ability to push my buttons... Hence my MOM! I needed her to come into my personal space this last month and a half to really push every button she could to force me to face this issue of duality. To really push me into a corner, where I could not get out and had to face this issue or EGG in my life!

The more I have quietly contemplated the whole issue with my MOM, the more and more I see how she was just mirroring in the things in me that I have wanted to be rid of. I was truly writing her script, and she played the part beautifully, as she always has! My reaction, was my reaction! A reaction to the things that I was bringing up inside of me that I needed to deal with! The battle was never with me and my MOM, but with me and myself... It was the ego fighting to keep power as I kept throwing more and more of the tools that I have learned here at it! Talk about duality! The ego was fighting to keep control of me, and only my MOM can push my buttons to that point. My X used to be able to do that, but now I stand up to him, he just helps me in whatever way I ask him to. He actually went and bought me a new washer a week and a half ago, because it was that or give me his. This week I asked him to help me by paying for my insurance licensing school and testing... He said he would help me out financially with the monies to pay for that.

This is really exciting, because when you think about it, or go back and read way back when I first got here... I was totally afraid of Keith! So this means that soon I will for the first time in my life be able to have a great relationship with my MOM! I will start to rewrite her script to one that has us working together and no one trying to control the other! Isn't that exciting!

Doug, thank you for the encouragement. I am thinking that instead of looking at your friends sister who is trying to mess with the gal trying to loose weight... Look inside the gal loosing the weight! The sister is probably just speaking outloud the gal's own fears and trepidations about loosing weight, and her ? her worthiness to do so, and probably her fears about this new person she is finding inside herself? Just a thought, Stephen our good friend here is always telling me whenever I meet someone who bugs me or the likes, that that person is just mirroring in me what I do not like in myself. They are playing out a role for me that i wrote for them to act out, because I need to see what is inside me! Hope that make sense! We are such powerful creators that we are able to create mirrors of people around us to show us who we really are.

I am almost done with the book the Power of NOW, and it is soooo awesome. I will have to go find that movie to watch on DVD this weekend with my daughter. I bought two more books to read, so I have a lot more learning to do. One of them just jumped off the online bookstore page at me, so I am intrigued to see what that one will have me learning about who I really am!

Oh man, I have had my rest from growing and now I am back to that lightening speed growth again!! When I read your post Grace aout re-reading... to speed up growth... I will have to do that, but I have to admit, I thought I can not handle any faster learning and growing right now... Probably a sign that I need to take on that challenge and that you were talking to me!

Blessings Sallyjane