I'm so thrilled for you, Chans, Pamela, and all who have posted here! I can tell from direct experience that this is an incredible breakthrough.
I've been hesitant to gush too much about my situation, because even though I know how amazingly free I have felt, I had reservations still that I would not have any recurrence of my phobia. I had worked with EFT a few months ago, but what progress I made was not like this. I had tapped enough to be able to force myself to face the fear, and to make myself get through it to a degree. But I still had anxiety and guilt associated with the situation.
I have long believed that I had a (possibly violent) dismemberment or amputation in a past life, as I have been subject to panic attacks whenever I encounter a removed limb - both when I see an amputee, and if I see a severed hand, foot, finger, whatever. (Grace, we didn't even get into that, but it was part of it!) Beheadings in movies are (were) intolerable. My father-in-law lost a toe and I couldn't be in the room with his bare foot. Just the thought of these things made me sweat, nauseous, wanting to flee, and I couldn't stand to look. I mean, I was obsessive about it. Oh, and talking about it was almost as bad.
Being that I do love people and most of my various career endeavors involved the public, this was a challenge for me. It's been this way since I was 4 or 5 years old. Other than this, I think I'm pretty normal and well adjusted.
Most recently I had a client who lost his arm to a tractor accident, and I got through it by tapping, holding papers in my line of sight so I didn't have to look directly at his stump, and simply not looking directly at him any more than necessary. I would say that EFT got me to the point that I could even be in the room with him. When I first arrived and saw his missing arm, I thought I was going to pass out and/or throw up. I made an excuse to leave for a short time, and I wanted to call him and say my car blew up and I would never be back again. But I knew I couldn't do that, and my desire for personal growth made me work through it. So I sat in my car and did rounds of EFT until I could make myself go back into his home and do my job (obtaining his signatures on documents and notarizing them).
Well, Grace was kind enough to talk with me by phone last week, and I never had any agenda about even talking about this... she had done wonders on my shoulder, and it was so amazing, I wanted to speak with her and meet her. After we conversed a while, she wanted to work on me some more, and in passing she mentioned that not everybody wants to hear that they were blown up in a former life. That triggered me to share my thoughts with her about my phobia, and a miracle followed.
As she worked on the various layers, the fear, panic, anxiety, guilt, embarrassment, and all the other emotions lifted. She saw evidence that I had lost my legs in a former life. She identified that my panic in this life had not always been there, and I was able to recall the first time I saw a little boy at the New Jersey shore with a missing lower arm and hand, and all those feelings ensued at that time.
I wrote to Grace yesterday, saying the following:
Quote:
I felt compelled to go to my local Sam's club on Sunday (how's that for Source working in mysterious ways!  ), and after a while I understood why. There is a man who works there, with guess what? A hand missing the middle 3 fingers, so with only a thumb and pinky, it looks a bit like a claw. He's been working there all the years I've been shopping there, and I had memorized his face so that if I saw him, I could head in the opposite direction to avoid seeing his hand.
Well, on Sunday, I was in line checking out, and I realized he was standing a few feet away from me. I felt none of the previous panic - only a calm sense of "Oh, wow, there he is, and I'm not freaking". I decided to study his hand. At that moment, someone moved in between us, and my view was blocked. I felt a strong sense of curiousity, and I waited patiently for another chance. Finally, it came, and I saw that he was holding a price-ticket gun in that hand, hiding the stump area, but I was able to dispassionately look it over. My only feelings were idle curiosity, compassion for his being differently-abled, and admiration for his overcoming the challenge of missing fingers.
|
Today I watched a segment on Oprah about a boy who overcame a deformity by having his misshapen, unworkable legs amputated and achieving amazing things. Out of habit, I thought, "I hope they don't show them", but then thought, "I can deal with this". I did, happily. I've also watched CSI Miami (I have a passion for that city, but that's another story), and never could look at the gross parts. I found myself dispassionately looking at the scene with a severed ear (Remember Blue Velvet? That one sent me out of the room), and another show with pictures of a severed arm.
In fact, it occurs to me that I could probably list 100 movies with this subject matter in it, that I have learned to avoid looking at the critical parts. Talk about useless trivia. Now it's just.... whatever.
I'm sorry that this has turned into a Hemingway novel, but I wanted to give Grace the full credit she deserves for the amazing gift she has.
I confess that I still feel like I should doubt myself. I think it's just from habits of thought... this was a part of me for around 45 years. But all evidence I can see points to the fact that this phobia is a thing of the past. I will keep checking in with myself, and knowing Grace, I imagine she might, too.
Grace, you are a gift to us, and I am forever grateful!
All my love, respect and appreciation for you!
Joy