Dear Grace,

The last few weeks were extreme busy for me.
I had to prepare myself for some important exams and in the meanwhile I had to work and follow courses at our medical school.
The exams went very well and had some spare time after these exams to clean up my house and read some books (Matrix Energetics and Flowdreaming) and lay down on my bed to relax.
Monday I will start with my short internship at our little department of children's neurology.
Grace can test why I still feel so tired especially sleepy. Ofcourse I was very busy with work and study but for the past 15 years of so I feel often so tired and sleepy. Is it a physical problem (candida, small intestine dys-function, gluten allergy, mercury intoxication)? Is it a mental/emotional problem (stress, low self-confidence, frustration, suppressed anger? Or is it a energetic or spiritual problem?
I purchased the book Flowdreaming and started to do the exercises which came with the Flowdreaming CD. In one of these exercises called the emotional self you are asked to summum energy in your emotional point (in my case the heart centre) and to feel impeccable happiness. As I try this exercise I do not know how Happiness feels like and can't remember a situation where I felt really happy. Is this strange?
As I try to train myself in Flowdreaming and in Matrix Energetics I feel the resistance that I am not being able to learn these techniques or get really good at these techniques. Often I purchased self-improvement books with lots of techniques but often I got this feeling I will never master this technique so I decided to quit to get not too frustrated.
Grace, I still longing for my special long loving relationship with a woman I like. As I read about manifesting that kind of relationship in different books or articles they often tell to focus not on a special woman but on 'every woman' that is the best for to create such a relationship. I really like a special woman for about 2 1/2 years. She is very special for me and she is the only one who has a special place in my heart. In my vision I will have a fantastic realtionship with her someday. But maybe I am a fool or a (day)dreamer to try to manifest a relationship with her.
The last few days I was not able to test with my pendulum. Very strange not to be able to test.
Grace thank You for Your help!!!
With greetings from Holland,
Jan