Marnyka,
Just wanted to thank you for jumping in and let you know I can relate to how you're feeling. Obviously I can't give you any insight (LOL) but just wanted to thank you for posting and hope you find some insight among all the wonderful answers I've been getting in my ramblings and answers I've been given.

Blake,
Thanks so much for letting me know my rambling is helping someone else out there, even to know we're all going through it at some level. I feel so anonymous in posting that I'm not sure how much courage it took, but in a way it did so here's a pat on the back for me and you too! LOL Good luck on your journey and thank you for openness and willingness to share as well.

Kim