Adrienne, thank you for your insight as well. I loved your acronym of HOW too... very interesting to ponder.... I have to "give up", just still trying to figure out what that actually means. I'd love to "give up" my current job. LOL It's good to be reminded though that you all have been through similar struggles - and are coming through them.

Okay, enough rambling about me again. Thanks again for reading! I hope I'm not taking over this thread too much lately! I do appreciate your responses though!!!

Hi KimJ.. what i meant about feeling like giving up... well i felt it.... it wasn't something i was trying to do... and it came from the sense of trying too hard... and feeling like I didn't know what else to do... i was overwhelmed and tierd and that is where that came from... and it was a deffinit inside thing not an outside thing.. giving up control and trying to run the show... (from ego, not from spirit...make sense) and that is where the HOW came in, and i started asking open ended question "what do i do , and how do i do it" to the source/god/universe... what ever works for you....
there is an interesting thing i have heard from some people and also read somewhere... that chasing the feeling or trying to get somewhere.. well we probably won't ever get there... each and every spiritual experience is unique... so be grateful for the one 'you' had and stop looking... when we stop looking or stop seeking... it will just happens...
I think that many of us have been programed/conditoned to think we always have to DOing something, yet we are human BEings... so in BEing there is nothing truely required of us... it is the outside that has influenced us... to do this or do that then we will be this or be that...

Now we are moving back to who we truely are which is BEing... infinit potencial, god, infite beings...
I like to call these times of frustration and challenging experiences where one is not satisfied...Riding the wave... wait it out... cuz one thing that is a gaurantee is change... it will change... be patient KimJ... it will change... it ALWAYS DOES...
although it can be very uncomfortable... do you use the Process from busting loose... if not are you willing?
Honesty... to self, to others, white lies are not honest either... they are still fear based... it is being nice, or taking the easy way out...
Openmindedness... well open to trying something different, taking suggestion, other possibilities... that maybe something more is happening.. and that the ideas in our head could simply be ego talking... check out the thread openminded skeptic... not sure how to put a link in for it... we can think we are openminded.. however...
Willingness.... willing to ... whatever... are you willing to let go? we may want.. and are always left wanting... but are we willing to do what is necessary to achieve what we desire deep down within... and it is within that the answers are...
Paths helps bring forth the things that lay dormant in the subconscious and when they pop up into the consciouse mind, we will have alot of feelings... if we feel those feelings then we let go , see the truth of what is come up....
we don't know till we know... when it is faced then it is freed. the boogeyman exposed for what it really is...
when released then it is gone... of course there are layers..
i have had to feel alot of stuff....ALOT OF STUFF... some of the hardest work you'll ever do, but the most rewarding...
We can also use many outside distractions to avoid feeling... so feelings can either come up or out or control us... I think that would be a great place to start... are you willing...
any how i think i am now ramblimg... and many people gain from you posting KimJ... so don't stop... you are allowd to take up space.. there is an unlimited amount of space for us all...
hope this is helpful... you are already there... this is a turning point for you.... Goddess Adriana