Hello....

Well i have had some very shocking news... From myself to myself...
I have been experiencing some anxiety and fear around moneyand finances... and they seemed to pop out of the blue.... not for any logical reason... and i was doing some feeling work(BL)... And OMG...these deep rooted things around being terrified that I would go to hell if i have money, cuz money is bad and money is evil and the people who have are evil and bad then... and you all know the BS that goes with that too... that bad and evil people go to hell...
My mother grew up in poverty in hungry during the war in the late 50's and she came here to canada, but displayed many "characteristics" of that there is not enough, as well my understanding is that there has been a beleif that if you are a martyr and poor and in poverty than you are noble....
Read the arc angle channelings that sharyn has posted.
Thanks Sharyn....

So in some ways there has been a long line of events that have been leading up to this amazing realization and freedom too.... especially amazing since my natural state is abundance and love (i'll get to that one in a minute) yet i have been denying abundance cuz of fears and beleifs that aren't true....

one of the events tonight was my son left his music playing while in the bathroom... and it was the song By Axel Rose "Knock Knock knockin' on heavin's door"...
mind you avril was singing it, and i had burst into tears cuz... and was asking to be let into heaven... and it was strange cuz i didn't know where that feeling had come from, but it was very strong... as though i had felt banished from this place called heaven, cuz i was bad... (a core feeling i had all my life)... then when i was in bed and had these other feelings come up... it was like OMG... what the heck... and i just had to share...

the other part i said i'd get to is LOVE.... OMG, I am in love with a friend of mine... (who doesn't recipicate, which i am ok with on the most part) and the details don't matter... but apparently it has been me to be the last to know this, cuz others saw it... as well as my son, who'd always reffer to him as my boyfriend.... Geesh, I know i ignored that on purpose...

So once again denying myself of my natural state... which is Love... Abundance... and some..

However this is where the plot thickens...
cuz in having a man around, ( keep in mind I was also seeing what i wanted to see too) then i wouldn't have to be able to take care of myself, and so on and so forth...
call it what you will... co-dependant, emotionally dependant.... how about deriving your identity from a person (AKA... something outside yourself.. which could include a place or thing...even money)

getting to the point... these amazingly constructed beleifs about who i was and how i had to be...all in order to feel that i was ok.... and it turns out none of it is true...
OK, holy cow... I guess for me these two things have weaved together very nicely, cuz of the programming i had in childhood..... I am simply in awe right now... and amazement...

OH ya, there is also the aspect to of if i keep being in need that is how i will keep someone around...
So like this intense fear of being alone is what has kept me in povery and not allowing abundance to flow through me...
and same with allowing love in too... cuz if i love i will get hurt, if i love i will be vulnerable.... and not to mention love being who i really am... i came into a world where love was a secret, withheld, denied, painful, conditional, ect.. don't love at all costs, but apparently we love each other cuz?????

Crazy stuff... just wanted to share this and wow how profound it is for me to realize these things....
I know things are not true about who i really am,...... and i know that these things aren't things i need to identify myself with.... cuz they are not my identity...

WOW, so cool.... it is like an intricate web of stuff all entangled.... i think this is where i get my thrill in discovering this stuff... although at the time of self induced pain and suffering i'd tell you different....

OK, I am a powerful infinite being, I am Love, I am abundance, I am god, I am light, I am infinite potential, I am gratitude, I am perfect...... I am joyousness...

And so are all of you...


well i feel like a frazzzled writter who editer is gone for the weekend... so i am not gonna edit my spelling... it all flowed out and it is all perfect... Thanks for listening...
couldn't find spell check either....

Love and light....Goddess Adriana
PS.I meant to say wow, now look at the amazing moduals paths has...
And that money mind set modual... holy cow... addresses all of these issues around money...
and then the forgiveness one....H'oponopono...
and self-esteem..
the deserving modual...
the mood elevation mod...hehe, to balance my hormones and chemicals..(and no i am not taking chemicals)
there are many more, but OMG... It would have taken me much longer i beleive... if i wasn't on paths...Totally... Iknow this... and have years of painstaking experience to back it...
I have/am done/doing all of these mods and more... and I am so impressed...
Ok, good night... SIGH.... More will be revealed...